Because It Matters So Much

I don't remember what struggle was plaguing me at the time.  I don't remember what area of my life was out of balance or in need.  It was years ago but I remember it was pretty outside so we ate on the patio at Chuy's (for my friends outside of Texas, that's Spanish for "yum.").  I remember her words like it was yesterday.  I have heard them over and again in my mind so many times since.  Janay said, "I think you need to prepare yourself.  You have shown God that you will use the struggles you face to bring Him glory.  You will tell people your stories, so be ready to face more tough times.  There are girls who need to hear how you overcame them."

It was asked of me yesterday why I need to blog or tweet when I have a bad day. It was suggested that it would be better to vent my feelings quietly and only say publicly what's light-hearted and fun or when showing gratitude. Now, let me be clear. I don't say everything I think on the internet. I also don't say everything out loud. Neither are appropriate, safe or necessary. (This is a lesson BG and I are still working on, which you know if you've ever had the displeasure of being next to us in a bathroom stall.)

While I don't say everything, I do say some things. I say when it hurts because some days it does. I say when it's ugly and it stinks because life with kids is messy and dirty and...well, let's be honest...they smell. I say those things and I think often of that day at Chuy's. I want you to know that when you think you've reached the point of exhaustion and you're a bad mom because you put your kid in her room or in front of the TV because you need a few minutes to find your sanity (literally FIND it - because it's lost under a pile of legos), you are not alone. Your feelings don't make you crazy. You are absolutely not a bad mom. You're a mom. And that's no easy task.

I've had some abnormally bad days, and each time I get to the other side, I know this - there's a bigger reason for the struggle.  I've also had some great days, and I promise to shout it from the rooftops even louder on those days. If you get a little better picture of who God is, I will keep telling you my stories both when they are funny and when they aren't

I listened to a pastor last night explain why he teaches. He said "I don't want people to listen to me because of my ego. I want them to listen because what I have to say matters so much." God loves you, sister. He loves you on the good days and the bad days. He loves you when you feel alone. He loves you when you think no one else has ever felt the way you do. He loves you more than you love your kids - and that's a love bigger than a mom can understand. I don't want you to listen to my stories because of my ego. I want you listen because knowing that matters so much.