Home Is Where the Heart Is

It’s after 1am and I can’t sleep.  David is on a plane bound for London, so no one is here to acknowledge how nuts I am for still being awake.  In my insomnia-induced haze, I’ve been reading old posts on my blog.  (We’ll talk later about whether that’s just weird or strangely narcissistic.)  Bottom line: I am sniffling.  Mascara isn’t running but I should probably blow my nose instead of continuing to wipe it on my shirt sleeve.  (I know, gross.  Sorry to be graphic.)  Anyway…it’s rare that I cry, so a sniffle is pretty significant.  It’s sad snot.  I miss home.

I made a commitment not to call Dallas “home” as a show of acceptance that DC is now our home.  This is not a temporary move or short-term vacation.  We live in Virginia, no longer in Texas.  And for the most part, I’ve stuck to that verbiage.  But when I talk about DC Metro (our new church), I sometimes catch myself saying “you,” still referring to the way “we” do it at Fellowship.  When I am in need of adult conversation instead of toddler-speak, I can’t help but think of the differences in cost of living and wish I were “home” where daycare was more affordable.    When I’m panting at the top of the 3^rd floor, I miss my house with more room than we needed and no stairs.  When I don’t know a new place to eat or can’t get to an unknown location without my GPS, I find myself pouting a little, knowing I could get anywhere in Dallas with my eyes closed.

I am so blessed to have started some great new friendships already.  Tomorrow, Brynna is going to spend a couple hours at Esther’s house with her little people, Samuel and Reagan.  I’m so grateful for that, but unlike leaving BG with Kim, Jami, Stephanie, Janay, Deb or a plethora of other people, I feel a little guilty for asking. 

I was told when I arrived that I would most likely form a small allegiance to one grocery store – you’re either a Harris Teeter, Whole Foods or Giant shopper.  For convenience and one-stop shopping, I fall in the Harris Teeter fan club.  (Let’s not get into that name.  It took me a good 3 weeks to overcome it and the subject is still touchy.)  But even though I can get free-range eggs, shampoo and Easy Mac at the same place, sometimes I’d still just prefer Central Market.

But mostly…I miss my girls.  I want to go shopping with Tania for the settee I’m planning to add in the kitchen nook.  I want to go to the park and talk to Kim while BG swings with Jackson and Laila.  I want to laugh with Yanci after church ‘til there’s no one left in the atrium but Brynna, Sterling and Kingston running in circles.  I want to go to the Arboretum with Jami, Eisley and Beck.  I want to hold Malosi and Colton.  I want to sit on the porch swing under a blanket with Mikele and Cheri.  I want to spend this week David is out of town in Tulsa with Hope and Brandy, hugging Hannah, playing with MacKie and hearing all the new words NiNa can say.  I want to go to lunch with Janay.  I want to go shopping with Janay.  I want to watch stupid TV with Janay.  And my little girl – let’s not even start – I want to hug Taylor.

So now the sniffles have officially turned to puddles about to spill over my tear ducts.  (Yes, I am so annoyed to cry that I choose to describe it in this way.)

My resolve has not changed – I know God sent us to DC, and I am grateful He trusts us enough to use us.  I am honored to obey Him.  I am blessed this is my home now and I will continue to put down roots. 

But tonight (or this morning…whatever), I miss home.