I've moved!

When I started this blog I spent all this time figuring out what to call it. I settled on "and a mom" because - at the time - I didn't want to be JUST a mom. I wanted to be a lot of other things AND a mom. Over time that belief changed. I grew up, my child grew up an I began to understand just how important this mom thing is. (We're talking shaping a human being. An entire human.) I realized that there is no (NO) situation where the word JUST and MOM should be in the same sentence. (Unless it's "Just let mom take a nap." That works.)

I'm not a lot of things and a mom. I'm a mom. Am I other things, too? Absolutely. Does being Brynna's mom define me? Not completely. It's not her job to define me. I am who God made me to be to do the things He created me to do. But one of those things is to be her mom. Not just to birth her or put up with her. To be a real mom - one who admits that some days I do feel like there isn't much to call my own, and one who does it anyway. I soon learned that there are a lot of girls who feel just like me. They feel less than perfect. Every. Single. Day. Of the week.

So when God said I was supposed to speak, mentor and teach women about being moms I thought... (Well, at first I assumed He was crazy. I didn't tell Him because He's God but I thought it.) I thought "I'm the least qualified person EVER to do such a thing." My child isn't that old. My experience isn't that great. My knowledge isn't... My age isn't... (I'll spare you the details. It was a long list.) What God assured me is that none of those were a surprise to Him. And what I lack, He is.

I'm less than perfect SO THAT He can be more than enough.

Living that way is waaaay easier said than done. It doesn't just take a mom to admit that. It takes a REAL MOM. It takes guts to admit you don't have all the answers and even more guts to trust God (not yourself, your friends or the latest NY Times bestseller) to make up the difference.

That's why the name changed. That's why realmom.org is my new home. Because while yes, I'm a mom in addition to everything else...it matters what kind of mom I am.

So I hope you'll join me at my new home. I hope you'll walk with me and be real with me. I hope you'll teach me what being real looks like at your house and forgive me when I tell you what it looks like at mine.

From now on, you'll find me blogging here. 

Or you can find me on Pinterest or Facebook or Twitter or Instagram.

Hope to see you soon!

What I Learned Without Information

Information. That's what we tell ourselves. We say it's all in the name of knowledge. We say we aren't addicted to social media, we just want to be informed. We say it's necessary to inundate ourselves with a constant stream of stimulation so we don't miss anything. The thing is, I learned more in the 40 days without that information than I ever did in the midst of it. I learned so much that I've yet to put the Facebook app back on my phone and if given the option to sit and wait for Brynna to finish Kumon or read my Twitter feed, I just wait. And my phone sits in my pocket. Or...dare I say it...in the car. Because I'm not going to die if it's more than 10 feet from me.

So here's what I learned without all that information:

I think in Tweets
Example: My parents visit and take Brynna and her buddy to Disney on Ice. Although I was never allowed to do so as a child, the girls eat popcorn, cotton candy and sno cones. My first thought is "Grandparenting 101: #love #spoil #repeat"

I don't let it (a lesson or good Word) sink in before I give it away (tweet it)
Quotes that would have been tweeted: 
"If you discount your sin, you discount what God did to forgive it."
"It's far easier to ACT like a Christian than it is to REACT like a Christian. Our reactions reveal who we really are."
"Jesus broke the curse so you could break the cycle."
"If you want all God has to give, you've got to be willing to do all He asks."

God didn't speak more without social media. I could just hear more.

God is never going to shout. He will whisper and wait. The more noise I indulge, the longer it will take.

My friend Courtney did the same challenge over Lent. When she removed the apps from her phone, she said "There's a huge hole where Facebook used to be." She meant on the home screen. It applies to time as well.

When I thought of someone, I called or texted them instead of assuming they saw my last tweet.

The point of posts or tweets is generally to share what's on your mind - not ask someone else what's on theirs.

I pick up my phone approximately 712 times a day

709 of the times I pick up my phone, it looks exactly the same as the time before

Picking up my phone is more habit than interest
I checked my email and the weather 100 times a day because it was the only thing left on my phone to refresh and Heaven forbid if I didn't know the SECOND something changed.

I don't actually NEED my phone 24 hours a day.

I needed a better news app. Using Facebook to know what's going on in the world is both sad and misleading. I am now actually informed about real events that happened instead of 200 people's opinions about what happened

The news makes me sad.
That's kind of a beside-the-point. But it does. We are so appalled at how a man could be mistreated while being executed while we support millions of babies dying every day.

But the best thing I learned without all that information is this:
It doesn't matter. Information is good; don't get me wrong. But my reading, hearing or saying it, doesn't make it true. Whether I know about it or not, God will comfort someone who mourns today. He will make sure the earth spins on it's axis.

And He will do it all without my help.

10 Things I Wanted to Tweet: Part 2

1

If you aren't willing to OBEY it, it doesn't do much good to PRAY it.

2

Why walk when you've got Daddy? #RidinInStyle

3

There are very few things Sour Patch Kids can't heal

4

"Your life follows your words. What you say and listen to matters." @vickiyohe @tocmc #DiamondsConference

5

Real men send flowers #realman #ImGrateful

6

This girl. #ImGrateful @saraeshields

7

I double dog pound dare you to listen to #Happy and not dance. @pharrell #YouCantDoIt #ClapAlong

8

Most of us are already educated far beyond our level of obedience. We just need to DO what we already KNOW. @stevenfurtick #CrashTheChatterbox

9

He's hungry #ThatsAWholeChicken #happyplate @HavenHouston

10

I feel like there was a better way to do this...

10 Things I Wanted to Tweet: Part 1

So I gave up social media for Lent, and I have to say...it was hard. But it was also life changing. That sounds crazy to say, but it was. I won't be the same after this 40+ days without the endless stream of information we've come to think we need. I learned a lot. I learned the things we all do when we unplug from the noise and see what's really important. I realized who and what is most important to me. But I also had a few revelations that surprised me. One was that social media has really great, redeeming qualities. There are friends and family I love who don't live nearby and our schedules rarely allow us to connect face-to-face. I missed those people deeply. I missed seeing their kids do silly things and all the other stuff we post day-to-day that allows us to have a window into each other's lives. And I missed sharing those things. And CLEARLY, you missed me. Right? (Smile and nod.)

I know that for over a month you have been sitting sadly in front of your screen wishing you knew what I was doing that day. I know you couldn't sleep wondering what crazy thing Brynna said or I did in response to something crazy Brynna said.

Alas! Take heart, dear ones. I took notes!

Things I wanted to tweet:

1

Me: aren't you supposed to be cleaning up? BG: I got distracted looking at how pretty I am #AtLeastShesHonest #GottaWorkOnHumility

2

Silly Sock Day (I have no other words)

3

Kids should come with earplugs #Seriously #NotKidding

4

Fake lips are always funny

5

Everything you say must be true. But everything true doesn't need to be said. #TrueThat

6

What you permit, you promote. #WhatAreYouPermitting?

7

Yep, this is church. Yep, it's Texan Day. #IDontEvenKnowWhatThatMeans #OnlyInTexas

8

I've worn cowboy boots more in a month in Houston than...well...ever.

9

"OUTCOME is God's responsibility. OBEDIENCE is mine." @craiggroeschel

10

Me: Uncle Parker and Brittney are engaged. They are going to get married. BG: Quick. Take a picture of me like this and send it to them. #excitedface

Harder Than It Should Be

This is kind of stupid. And pathetic. Have you ever found yourself somewhere and wondered how you got there? Have you looked around and thought "this is the exact place I never wanted to be"? I'm there and the walls of this room I find myself in are plastered with logos...

And the logos are all lit up in neon. Like Vegas. It's loud and overcrowded and I'm glaringly aware that I don't know most of these people. Of those I do know, I like maybe half of them. Of that half, few have my actual phone number and like 6 have been to my house. I feel like I'm standing in the corner, with my hands over my ears wondering what on earth all these people have to talk about at the same time. And why, for the love of all that's holy, are they yelling?!

I just want to make the bad man stop.

So, the question is obvious: why not leave? Believe me. I've asked myself that a hundred times. And in my defense, I started this with my acknowledgment that it's pathetic. I sit in that loud, annoying room, wishing I wasn't there because They told me I'm supposed to. They said it's the best way to stay connected to people. They said if I don't, I'll miss out because this is the way the world works in today's culture. They told me that I'll lose touch. They told me that if I don't yell louder, no one will hear me.

But I don't feel heard. I feel lost in noise. I don't feel informed. I feel like 17 people are screaming completely opposing opinions. I don't even feel connected. I feel competitive.

So it's all of that chatter in my head that's led me to realize that while I could give up my beloved Dr. Pepper for Lent...

[[pause]]
Lent is the season before Easter when many Christians give up something meaningful as a form of self-discipline. We emulate Jesus's example (He fasted in the desert 40 days) and focus on how special it is that He not only died but overcame death and rose again. The day we celebrate He rose is Easter. Easter is 40 days from now. That means today I decide what I'm going to go without for the next 40 days...
[[resume]]

... or I could not eat meat or fast from another food item, while I could go without a lot of things, the thing hardest to let go of is this. To walk out of this room that I don't even fully enjoy. And to be completely honest, this is way harder than it should be. I'm embarrassed that I had to remove the apps from my phone to keep me from checking them out of habit or lack of self-control.

Normally when I fast during Lent, I know that each time I think of _______ (whatever I gave up), I am reminded of Jesus, His sacrifice and what Easter means. The more integral to my daily life, the more often that happens. This year, though, we haven't even officially started and I'm realizing that I won't just be reminded of Jesus but I might be able to hear Him better. Stepping out of the noise of this room means He's not fighting for my attention. And really...He created the Universe. Should He have to compete with a youTube video of bad lip reading NFL clips? No. He shouldn't. (Although the lip reading is HI-LARIOUS)

So, here I go. This is way harder than it should be, but I'm leaving the room. I'll write, so I hope you check in with me here. And if you do, leave a comment or share what moves you...because I won't be on social media to share it myself! lol

Start now and let me know what you are giving up for Lent...or if social media feels like a keg party gone wrong to you, too...or if you've seen the NFL lip reading video. (seriously. it's so freaking funny)

Facebook is NOT

Before we commence with the list of things Facebook is not, let me say that Facebook IS a lot of things. Facebook is a way to connect with people you would have lost touch with otherwise. Facebook allows you to share life with those who live far away. Facebook lets you go back and see a history of where you've been, what you've seen and how you felt. Facebook gets a message or product in front of a maximum amount of people. Facebook is a tool that, when used properly, can be of great value personally, professionally and individually.

That being said...Facebook is NOT...

Confidential - What you say can AND WILL be used against you.

Neutral - Everyone doesn't agree with your opinion, nor are they obligated to remain an unbiased observer. When you clicked "post" you invited the opinions, critiques and rants of others. If you need to vent without response, may I recommend you get a dog?

Always Kind - There are times, yes, that comments are to encourage or uplift. More often, though, what others have to say creates more harm than help. Their suggestions make you doubt your ability to decide. Their disagreements further your insecurities.

Therapy - The point of voicing your hurts and fears in a counseling session is to shed light on a problem and receive valuable (trained) advice on what steps need to be taken to better the situation. The release of pain does not come from merely saying the words but doing the suggested work alongside a professional. Airing your deepest feelings on Facebook accomplishes none of that. You may say it, but that's not where the healing comes from and the feedback you get will rarely be advisable and often more painful.

Private - EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT. Yes, you wanted to share the picture of your kid on the toilet with all the grandparents and your friend in another state. Yes, it may have been faster to post it than send it privately. Yes, I'm sure it was hilarious. But EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT. No matter how strong your security or privacy settings, Facebook is on the internet. Unless you can write computer code faster than Mark Zuckerberg, you just shared a naked picture of your child where people who have less than admirable intentions have access to it.

That brings me to...Facebook is NOT...

Temporary - Once you post it, you can't unpost it. Once it's said, you can't unsay it. Those pictures will be there for anyone to see - FOREVER - including your child who won't always be 2 and at 17 might not feel as strongly about how hilarious he looked sitting on the toilet.

Pretend - It's REAL. REAL people with REAL feelings are REALLY hurt when you say something unkind. I'm not speaking metaphorically; your kids REALLY will see those pictures. She REALLY will wonder why you tell her to dress modestly but let people she's never met see pictures of her without a shirt on. He REALLY will question if it's better to act respectfully when, to get a laugh, you tell the world every time he misbehaves. Protecting our kids is a full time job and they need us to keep them safe in cyberspace just as diligently as we inspect carseats and food labels.

Necessary - Am I saying we should all go delete our accounts? No. What I'm saying is that if no one comments on your post it doesn't make your thought less valid or your feeling less real. If someone disagrees it doesn't make you wrong. If someone agrees it doesn't make you right.

I hope it goes without saying, but I don't just mean Facebook. I mean Twitter and Instagram and Pinterest and whatever else there is that I don't even know the name of. 

So what did I miss? What else is social media NOT?

Stuff I Don't Understand: Part 2

Excessive Bumper Stickers. I get that you are opposed to animal cruelty, you like Metallica, you don't like Ford (although I'm not sure why you want to urinate about it), your boss is a Jewish carpenter, you cheer for Virginia Tech and you support your troops. Unfortunately, as I am forced to sit behind you at the stop light, I feel like you are screaming at me. Tone it down. You can like/dislike what you will. You don't have to ruin a perfectly good automobile over it.

Caffeine-free soda. What's the point?

How Brynna can have this much energy. Seriously. Is she doing crack when my head is turned? Did someone spike her sippy cup?

"I have children" stickers. This includes but is not limited to "Baby On Board," children's names on footballs, soccer balls, pom pons, etc. and the little stick-figure families that span the back window. From a 60 second traffic light, I now know your daughter is named Heather, plays soccer has two older brothers and goes to XYZ Elementary School. How is that safe? And aside from the morbid possibility of kidnapping thoughts, why is it necessary?

Why hymns must be sung in an unreachable soprano octave

Church advertisements on Christian radio stations

People who cry at the sight of a celebrity

Facebook profile pictures of people other than you. You know, since it's supposed to be a profile. Of you.

Please note: These are intended for humorous use only and should not cause offense. If you currently have a bumper sticker, advertise on Christian radio or have a picture of your kid as your profile picture, feel free to carry on with your regularly scheduled life.

Mother Earth

When I was young, the earth seemed so big.  My grandma’s house felt forever away.  The pictures I saw in books had no connection to my real life.  Over time, perspective helped me realize that I grew up less than an hour from my grandparents’ house (not exactly a distance of “forever”).  And life has taught me so much more than those pictures in books ever could have.

Yesterday, I went to Panera to work.  Suddenly my computer screen showed I was receiving a call via Skype so I put my headphones in and answered.  While the rest of the restaurant enjoyed their morning coffee, I chatted with my friend Mikele.  That wouldn’t be so noteworthy except that Mikele is halfway around the world right now.  She called me from Europe.

When I got married, I had never been out of the continental US.  I remember sitting in awe on my honeymoon, staring at the Caribbean.  I had never seen the ocean before then.  A few months ago, I flew over the ocean that I now live a few hours from.

A year ago, I couldn’t have found Malaysia on a map.  In February I spent two weeks there – hearing the language, tasting the food and experiencing the people.

I know so much more now because I’ve experienced more.  But my perspective is limited to those experiences.  It all makes me think about Brynna.  Kids know about their parents what we choose to let them experience.  If I don’t share where I’ve been, what I’ve come through and who it’s made me, Brynna won’t have a full understanding of her mom.  If I only give her a painted picture instead of the real me, she will merely have a two-dimensional portrait – like pictures in a book.  Just as I have a new understanding and love of Mother Earth as I learn more about who she is, I pray my relationship with Brynna is the same.  She will know that I can relate, I love her unconditionally and I will always be here.  She will know that because I will let her experience who I am and who she is. 

Skype Hype

Had you asked me 2 years ago what I thought of technology, my response would have been vastly different than it is today.  It wasn't until I joined the staff of FC Downtown (also known as the revolving door of the latest handheld device), that I even entered the world of smart phones.  Until then, I was perfectly content with my pink Katana flip phone.  It was cute, it sent texts, and most importantly, it made phone calls.  I make lots of phone calls.

It took me a long couple of years and some very persuasive teenagers to convince me to make a MySpace page.  After that became uncool, I went back to being perfectly content in my uncoolness.  Then those teenagers and their Facebook came along, and I begrudgingly joined them.  Kind of.  It was the running joke (the kind that's funny because it's true) that I averaged about 6 months between visits to said Facebook page.

Then I had Brynna.  Staying home meant less time at the computer, less time to talk without someone adding unwelcomed background noises and no more yelling down the hall to tell Janay something funny.  So one day while Brynna was napping, I put on my big girl panties and overcame my fears and repulsions.  I pulled up Google and searched, "twitter."  Not only did I make a twitter account, but I figured out how to send twitter updates from my phone and link them to my Facebook page.  A few months later, I also figured out how to link all that nonsense to Twitpic.  Yep.  All by my big-girl self.

Fast forward to this week - My little daughter blew kisses with her cousins.  My big daughter showed me the new pictures in her room and told me about school and tennis and boys.  My husband joked with my sister.  My dad showed me a pair of my mom's shoes he doesn't like.  All over Skype.

Years ago, when I first moved to Dallas from Oklahoma, I hit a seriously low point.  Life without my 2 best friends close felt unbearable.  Phone calls helped, but I felt like I missed so much.  I learned to cope but then 2 years ago when I quit working, I again felt so far away from people - and they were in the same city.  These (seemingly) silly social media outlets helped me stay connected to all of them.  Now, as my world keeps expanding with my family in different time zones and continents, I no longer feel disconnected.  It's different.  Of course, I still have really sad days when I wish I could let Taylor lay her head in my lap or watch Brynna play with Zoe and AJ.  But I would have never dreamed 2 years ago that I'd sit in my bedroom in Texas and talk to my sister in Malaysia.

So, I have to give it to you, Technology.  Skype, you really are worth all the hype.