REALLY?! Really? really.

Disclaimers:

1. I am not a dietician.

2. I am not the best source of advice on what to eat. Period. I've tried to make our house more healthy, and we eat mostly natural, unprocessed foods. But there are cheetos, kool-aid and oreos in my kitchen as we speak.

3. I am not judging.

4. I am not hating.

5. I am not making fun. 

6. I'm just saying...

I spent the entirety of yesterday sick in bed. My dear, sweet husband took the day off to run the marathon that is Brynna Grace so I could rest. At various moments of wakefulness, I managed to play on my phone and look at Facebook. (I know how ridiculous that is. Too exhausted to get up but checked Facebook. I heard it. Makes no sense. But I did it. Let's move on.) I scrolled past a friend’s post and was about to move on when I noticed there were several comments attached. Intrigued, I looked further. Mistake #1. The post from my friend, Kelly* was (and I quote) – “In rare form today. I will try not to comment on post.” Kelly is one of the funniest chicks you’ll meet, and lovably cynical and snarky at the same time. She’s one of those people who you kind of hope will make fun of you because it will be so funny you won’t even care that it was at your expense. She once told me to shut up and go eat a donut. Was I offended? No. Did I laugh until I almost peed my pants? Yes. (Maybe you had to be there. Whatever. Back to the point.)

The post was short and obviously Kelly being her quirky-self making a somewhat inside joke. The problem came when I got to comment #4. Comment: “Having a bad day as a Mom? Push protien! Meat, Cheese, Eggs- it works. Keep away from pasta, bread, starches of all types until behavior is better.”

REALLY?! Really? really.

Protein? Now I don’t know what Kelly’s day was like. From her short comment, I dare say no one can say definitively what she was referring to. As, and I’m just spit-balling here, WAS HER POINT. But what about her short two sentences suggested protein is the answer? Where’s the logic in that? (Mistake #2 – assuming logic was involved.)

Let’s break it down:

Having a bad day as a Mom? – I’m afraid I’m going to have stop you right there. First of all, Mom is not capitalized because it’s not a proper noun in that context. But that’s not the point. Second, how did you get having a bad day from “in rare form?” That’s Neutral at this house. “In rare form” loses its rarity when a toddler lives at your house. They are rare. Period.

Push protein!  - Why the exclamation point? Is protein reason to cheer? Has the cavalry arrived? Is it that easy? A bad day can be alleviated by “pushing protein?” And why are we pushing? Is it crack? Are there protein peddlers on the corner outside Gymboree waiting to give you a fix? (I’m asking…I don’t go near Gymboree.  Gives me hives.)

Meat, Cheese, Eggs- it works – Thank you for the science lesson. I wasn’t perplexed about what constitutes a protein-rich food. Don’t mistake my confusion for ignorance.

Keep away from pasta, bread, starches of all types until behavior is better. – Waiting. Still waiting. Oh, I’m sorry. Am I doing it wrong? Why do I not see angel wings sprouting from my child’s back after my sudden removal of carbohydrates (see how I knew what food type we were discussing?)?

I say again… REALLY?! Really? really.

Motherhood is a rollercoaster. It’s a terrifying ride that goes up and down from day to day, makes you want to vomit, laugh and cry all at once. There are bad days and good days. It comes with the job description. It’s part of it. And some days are worse than others. Some days your baby has cancer. Some days you find out your baby may not get to see the light of day. Some days your kid runs screaming through the house naked and you find yourself thankful that at least this time she doesn’t have scissors. And some days are great. Some days she looks over and says, “Mommy, I love you,” and for a minute second you forget all the nonsense. Some days they are happy, healthy and whole.

It’s not simple. There is no quick fix or easy answer. The next time someone offers her unsolicited, overly-simplified advice, just say (in your head unless you want a long conversation)…Really? And go about your business. She doesn’t know anymore than you do. She’s just hungry. She needs some bread, pasta, starches. And maybe a margarita.

*name changed to protect the innocent