Pull the trigger!

One of my favorite movie scenes is in "Shooter". Yeah, you know the one. Mark Wahlberg. It's not actually about Marky Mark, although we all know we could think of few that include him. There is a scene where the girl in the film is hiding and the men hunting Mark Wahlberg's character are prowling through her house. It's the classic scene - big scary men, scared little girl. They are moving quietly closer to her. She is huddled behind a door about to pee her pants. But just when you think she's going to freeze and scream like a girl, this chick shoots the guy with a shotgun. (Sorry if that ruined it for anyone.) I cheered the first time I saw it. I literally shouted, "That was awesome!" In my head, she's me. In my head, I'm her. In my head, I can outrun, out-smart, out-shoot and out-fight the bad guys.

Unfortunately, in real life, I run slow and can't see well. And painful as it is to say...I fear I might scream like a girl. I don't want to be that girl. I want to be the chick with the shotgun. Right now, though, I'm huddled behind the door about to pee my pants and I have yet to pull the trigger.

You see, I have a dream that I don't really tell people. It's one of those things that I keep to myself - not because it's huge or scary but because if I don't share it, there's no chance of it getting trashed by others' negativity or my personal failure. Unfortunately for me, though, it won't come true, either. About 6 months ago, I felt a new wave of fear come over me. I really felt like God was calling me to act. To do it. Pull the trigger. Quite hiding behind the door. But I'm paralyzed. Like all those movies before, I'm just standing here screaming like a girl.

Then, over the recent holiday break, I journaled and prayed about how to make this dream happen. I felt strongly that God was pushing me to share my dream on my blog - to write about my progress so you can keep me accountable. I figured I could do that since I'm pretty sure about 5 people read my blog and you've all promised to love me even if I lose all my limbs and can't speak. But then I remembered that I linked my blog to Facebook. And for the life of me, I can't exactly remember how to unlink it. So if I share this dream, it won't just be 5 people who love me no matter what. It will be hundreds of people. Some of them I barely know. Some of them I know well. Yep, that's me. Still here. Still about to pee my pants.

But here's the deal. While some of us can pull the trigger immediately and some of us take longer, I think there's a little bad a** in every girl. So here goes. I'm pulling the trigger.