What I Learned Without Information

Information. That's what we tell ourselves. We say it's all in the name of knowledge. We say we aren't addicted to social media, we just want to be informed. We say it's necessary to inundate ourselves with a constant stream of stimulation so we don't miss anything. The thing is, I learned more in the 40 days without that information than I ever did in the midst of it. I learned so much that I've yet to put the Facebook app back on my phone and if given the option to sit and wait for Brynna to finish Kumon or read my Twitter feed, I just wait. And my phone sits in my pocket. Or...dare I say it...in the car. Because I'm not going to die if it's more than 10 feet from me.

So here's what I learned without all that information:

I think in Tweets
Example: My parents visit and take Brynna and her buddy to Disney on Ice. Although I was never allowed to do so as a child, the girls eat popcorn, cotton candy and sno cones. My first thought is "Grandparenting 101: #love #spoil #repeat"

I don't let it (a lesson or good Word) sink in before I give it away (tweet it)
Quotes that would have been tweeted: 
"If you discount your sin, you discount what God did to forgive it."
"It's far easier to ACT like a Christian than it is to REACT like a Christian. Our reactions reveal who we really are."
"Jesus broke the curse so you could break the cycle."
"If you want all God has to give, you've got to be willing to do all He asks."

God didn't speak more without social media. I could just hear more.

God is never going to shout. He will whisper and wait. The more noise I indulge, the longer it will take.

My friend Courtney did the same challenge over Lent. When she removed the apps from her phone, she said "There's a huge hole where Facebook used to be." She meant on the home screen. It applies to time as well.

When I thought of someone, I called or texted them instead of assuming they saw my last tweet.

The point of posts or tweets is generally to share what's on your mind - not ask someone else what's on theirs.

I pick up my phone approximately 712 times a day

709 of the times I pick up my phone, it looks exactly the same as the time before

Picking up my phone is more habit than interest
I checked my email and the weather 100 times a day because it was the only thing left on my phone to refresh and Heaven forbid if I didn't know the SECOND something changed.

I don't actually NEED my phone 24 hours a day.

I needed a better news app. Using Facebook to know what's going on in the world is both sad and misleading. I am now actually informed about real events that happened instead of 200 people's opinions about what happened

The news makes me sad.
That's kind of a beside-the-point. But it does. We are so appalled at how a man could be mistreated while being executed while we support millions of babies dying every day.

But the best thing I learned without all that information is this:
It doesn't matter. Information is good; don't get me wrong. But my reading, hearing or saying it, doesn't make it true. Whether I know about it or not, God will comfort someone who mourns today. He will make sure the earth spins on it's axis.

And He will do it all without my help.

10 Things I Wanted to Tweet: Part 2

1

If you aren't willing to OBEY it, it doesn't do much good to PRAY it.

2

Why walk when you've got Daddy? #RidinInStyle

3

There are very few things Sour Patch Kids can't heal

4

"Your life follows your words. What you say and listen to matters." @vickiyohe @tocmc #DiamondsConference

5

Real men send flowers #realman #ImGrateful

6

This girl. #ImGrateful @saraeshields

7

I double dog pound dare you to listen to #Happy and not dance. @pharrell #YouCantDoIt #ClapAlong

8

Most of us are already educated far beyond our level of obedience. We just need to DO what we already KNOW. @stevenfurtick #CrashTheChatterbox

9

He's hungry #ThatsAWholeChicken #happyplate @HavenHouston

10

I feel like there was a better way to do this...

10 Things I Wanted to Tweet: Part 1

So I gave up social media for Lent, and I have to say...it was hard. But it was also life changing. That sounds crazy to say, but it was. I won't be the same after this 40+ days without the endless stream of information we've come to think we need. I learned a lot. I learned the things we all do when we unplug from the noise and see what's really important. I realized who and what is most important to me. But I also had a few revelations that surprised me. One was that social media has really great, redeeming qualities. There are friends and family I love who don't live nearby and our schedules rarely allow us to connect face-to-face. I missed those people deeply. I missed seeing their kids do silly things and all the other stuff we post day-to-day that allows us to have a window into each other's lives. And I missed sharing those things. And CLEARLY, you missed me. Right? (Smile and nod.)

I know that for over a month you have been sitting sadly in front of your screen wishing you knew what I was doing that day. I know you couldn't sleep wondering what crazy thing Brynna said or I did in response to something crazy Brynna said.

Alas! Take heart, dear ones. I took notes!

Things I wanted to tweet:

1

Me: aren't you supposed to be cleaning up? BG: I got distracted looking at how pretty I am #AtLeastShesHonest #GottaWorkOnHumility

2

Silly Sock Day (I have no other words)

3

Kids should come with earplugs #Seriously #NotKidding

4

Fake lips are always funny

5

Everything you say must be true. But everything true doesn't need to be said. #TrueThat

6

What you permit, you promote. #WhatAreYouPermitting?

7

Yep, this is church. Yep, it's Texan Day. #IDontEvenKnowWhatThatMeans #OnlyInTexas

8

I've worn cowboy boots more in a month in Houston than...well...ever.

9

"OUTCOME is God's responsibility. OBEDIENCE is mine." @craiggroeschel

10

Me: Uncle Parker and Brittney are engaged. They are going to get married. BG: Quick. Take a picture of me like this and send it to them. #excitedface

The Good Word Wednesday I've Been Afraid to Write

There's a book I've been scared to publicly recommend. Not because I don't believe in it. On the contrary, I've always been afraid I won't do it justice. I tell parents about it all the time, but in person, I can use my hands (because hands are necessary to prove a point). They can hear the passion in my voice, and I can physically shake them if it comes to that. 

But yesterday I realized I have to tell you. 

A little backstory...
Brynna loves church. Really, she loves anywhere with people. She is a firm believer in "the more the merrier." In addition to just the general opportunity for an audience, she LOVES her teacher on Sundays. Miss Kimberly babysat recently and BG cried for 10 minutes when she left. So you can imagine our surprise when she told us a few weeks ago that she didn't want to go to church. We still went to church (because church is not negotiable, because she's 5 and changes her mind more often than her underwear, because she's the child and we're the parents). And before you call CPS, she had fun as she always does. (Again. She's 5.) Fast forward a month or so. We weren't able to be at church this weekend but on Monday while David gave her a bath, Brynna started asking when we go to church next. David explained that we would go on Wednesday, and her response was that she likes her class on Wednesday but just doesn't want to go on Sundays. 

Please note: Brynna thinks our trip to Disney World last August happened "last night" and she's going to have a new sister "in two weeks." (No, I am not pregnant. She decided this unilaterally.) The fact that she understands what day it is is noteworthy. The fact that she was so concerned yet hadn't been to church in several days is alarming. Not take-immediate-action, blame-the-staff, cause-a-scene alarming. Just alarming. 

The underlying issue is that 2 boys in Brynna's class have severe behavioral issues. After asking more questions, I realized this: Brynna knows Miss Kimberly has to give special attention to the boys and that their behavior is not what it should be. In her 5-year-old way of processing information, if the teacher says "Do X" and a boy disobeys consistently, the teacher doesn't have control. If the teacher doesn't have control, Brynna can't trust her. If Brynna can't trust her, she's not safe and all kinds of warnings start going off in her head - namely, "I need to take control because these people have no idea what they are doing."

So yesterday I called the preschool director, and we discussed the situation. There's rarely an easy answer, so we talked through options. But in addition to anything else we do, one thing is definite. I am Brynna's mom. My job is to assure Brynna she's safe, she can trust Miss Kimberly, Mrs. Cherry, Mommy and Daddy.

I tell the whole story to say this:
Had I taken things at face value, I might have been tempted to call and complain to the church rather than discuss what we can do together. I might have wanted to pull Brynna out of the class immediately or demand that other arrangements be made for kids with behavioral issues. I would have responded to the SYMPTON (her fear that a boy might hurt her) rather than the PROBLEM (she feels like the authority isn't in control, so the environment is unsafe).

I know this is what Brynna feels because Brynna is a strong-willed child. I understand how she processes information because of the book that changed my life - as a parent and really, just in general.

Strong-willed kids are not difficult. They are not rebellious for the sake of driving their parents insane (although some days it feels that way). They are smart. They are leaders and if you harness that good, the person they will become is unstoppable. But if you respond to their behaviors without understanding what's behind them, you will at best crush their spirit and at worst, push them to complete defiance of authority.

This is not a book review. This is a plea to go buy this book (like now...click the picture). And when it arrives, read it. Highlight it, put it into practice in as many ways as you can. If your child isn't strong-willed, that doesn't mean it doesn't apply. Much is discussed about compliant children and the differences in parenting the two.

Don't spend another second forcing her to do her homework or grounding him from video games until you understand WHY she's acting out and WHY he defiantly disobeys. Those are precious minutes and brain cells you can't get back. 

Brynna will go to church tonight and on Sunday. Depending on what we decide, she may need to stay in the same class for a few more weeks. That doesn't mean she gets to have different rules or consequences. It doesn't mean she gets away with misbehaving "because she just doesn't like her class." It means that I work harder. I assure her she's safe, I show her that even when something feels out of control, she can trust that I always have her best interest in mind. 

And those lessons...those won't just affect today. Those will make her a better person.

Dressing Room Decorum

I explained yesterday that before we went to the ballet last month, I let Brynna get a new dress. While I did tell you the steps of choosing the dress (Try on dress. Twirl. Repeat.), I really gave you the abridged version. The cliff notes, if you will. There's so much more that goes into proper dressing room decorum.

Normally, if we are in a dressing room it's because I'm trying something on, not Brynna. In this instance, the protocol is different. In the event that she's "visiting" the dressing room, Brynna firmly believes it exists as a staging area for her performances. While I try on clothes, she tries on my clothes. Don't get me started on how many times I've been ready to go but couldn't because a three-year old was dancing on the alteration platform, claiming my shirt was a princess dress. The alteration platform. That's what most of us call it. You know...it's the place where you step up and allow a seamstress to mark the dress or pants to be properly altered. Brynna refers to this as The Stage. (In her defense, it's elevated, there are mirrors and usually a pair or two of high heels laying around...?) Many a performance has taken place on The Stage - with or without an audience. In the event that an audience is not present, the show has been known to go on the road. A few weeks ago, I came out to ask the salesperson her opinion and found Brynna doing twirls, kicks and grand jetes for all the girls working at Nordstrom. When she did stop, she turned, grabbed her heels and told me she was going to change for her next show.

Sidenote: I know you think I make this stuff up. I promise I do not.

But the day before the ballet we weren't in a dressing room for me. We were in the children's department. So this time, I put on a show on the alterations platform, and I strutted around Dillard's in Brynna's shoes. No. No, I didn't. What I did was manage the crazy. As I said yesterday, the entire focus of our shopping experience was to find maximum twirl capability. If the dress wasn't flowy on the hanger, it didn't make the cut. We covered what's necessary to find the twirl rating of each dress (Try on. Twirl. Repeat.). What we didn't get to was what you do in between dresses. See, there are a few moments after I get one dress over her head and the next on. There are precious seconds that it takes me to get one dress back on the hanger and another one off. These are the moments where decorum is necessary. This is the free time begging to be filled.

There are your standard choices for how to fill time in a dressing room:
Make faces at yourself in the mirror
Pose and smile at yourself in the mirror
Compliment yourself while talking to yourself in the mirror
Dance in front of the mirror
Curtsy to yourself in the mirror

But if you're an overachiever, there are other activities totally normal and acceptable in a dressing room:
Teach yourself to do a back walkover
Twirl naked "to see what it looks like under your dress"
Talk to the dresses
Calisthenics - jumping jacks, sit ups, running in place
Handstands
Close your eyes and dramatically act out scenes from an imaginary movie playing in your head

Two important notes:
If you aren't sweating, you're doing it wrong
If your hair isn't falling down, you're doing it wrong

I must caution you. While Brynna did all of these in the span of an hour, I would take it slowly. She's a professional.