Cut, Jump, Write

Have you ever done this? Have you said I want to cut my hair so bad!! for 3 weeks? Have you poured over pictures of haircuts and styles, wanting one of them for yourself? Have you asked everyone you know which cut would look best on you, all the while, NOT CUTTING YOUR HAIR? We blame it on a lot of stuff. I don't know which one to choose. I don't know how my husband would feel. I don't know when to do it. I don't know which stylist to call. But at the end of the day, when you take out all of the other stuff, you are left with "I want to cut my hair to bad...but you don't."

That's where I've been the past few weeks. Not literally with hair - I don't have much more to cut. (Somewhere my dad just read this and had a minor panic attack at the thought of me going from pixie cut to completely bald.) Mine has been here, on my keyboard - the place where I'm most vulnerable. I want to write so bad. I want to share and teach and make people laugh and walk alongside and mentor and praise and be silly and laugh and cry. I want to write. I want to write a book. I want to write a bible study. I want to write just about anywhere someone could read the words. But the past several weeks I've been living in the land of "but you don't." I have a lot of really good reasons. I stay at home and that means 24 hours a day of nonstop something. I don't want to write a blog if I should wait and write a book. I don't want to write a book if I should wait and format it for a website. I don't know where to start. But I also have not-so-really-good reasons. At the core, if I'm honest, I'm scared. Terrified might be a better word. Scared of what to write and when and where and how... I'm afraid.

But today, I noticed something again for the first time. Do you ever do that? You've seen something a dozen times but all of a sudden, something clicks and makes sense in a way it didn't the other 12 times. I read this verse:
      My peace I give you....do not let your hearts be troubled and not be afraid. (John 14:27) 
Even if you don't know much about the Bible, you've probably heard that in one context or another. But here's what I saw today...
     You have the choice to be troubled or accept the peace I give you. Don't choose to be afraid.
That word "let" implies that I decide what troubles my heart. "Do not" suggests that it's a conscious decision to do or not to do. It doesn't say there's nothing to be afraid of. Life is scary sometimes. It simply says choose to trust more than you choose to fear.

Maybe you do want to cut your hair. Or maybe it's a different kind of cliff you're staring at, wishing you were on the other side, but parlayed to jump. Maybe, like me, you have a dream you want so bad you're scared to do anything about for fear you'll mess it up.

Whatever it is, I say we cut, jump, write. I say we take a really deep breath and even though everything inside is scared to death, we choose to trust more than we choose to fear.

What do you fear? Are you willing to choose take a little step toward trust? Leave a comment and share. If that scares you even more, I can tell you...I just told the world my biggest fear and I'm surprisingly, still standing. So I've got that going for me...