What I Love

I'm studying a book called Becoming God's True Woman by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It can be a controversial book because of it's stance on femininity, womanhood and submission. But as I read, I'm amazed at how it's affecting me as a mom even more than a woman. As we discuss our culture's view of what it means to be a successful woman, my heart breaks for what Brynna may come to think of herself. I never want her to think her worth is tied to what she does or who she knows or how much money she makes. I never want her to feel like she needs to prove herself, be it to men or other women. I never want her to confuse femininity with being sexy or domineering. I never want her to think submission requires you to be passive or weak.

When I started reading, I did what I often do. I grabbed a photo from my desk and used it as a bookmark. I didn't pay much attention to what the picture was. I just needed to hold my place. But last night I paid attention. With these thoughts racing through my mind, I grabbed the book and this was the face staring back at me:

And it struck me. Brynna will love what I love. She doesn't know anything about college or football but point to an OU logo and she'll yell "Boomer Sooner!" She loves OU because I love OU. She wants to cheer for them because I cheer for them. And in that moment, God answered the deeper questions of my heart. She will love what I love. She will view herself as I view myself. She will dress as she sees me dress and speak to others the way she hears me speak. She will value the people and things that I value. She will cheer for what I cheer for. She will love what I love.

And what I love is...
Jesus
Brynna's daddy
Brynna Grace Johnston - exactly as God made her
women who stand up for what they believe is right even when it isn't popular
women who sacrifice for their families whether or not they are recognized
humility
strength
women who value wisdom over fame
women who give it away - time, money, food, care, love, encouragement
integrity
Truth

Good or bad, right or wrong, she will love what I love.



What do you want your kids to love? What do you need to do a better job of loving so they will too?

Cut, Jump, Write

Have you ever done this? Have you said I want to cut my hair so bad!! for 3 weeks? Have you poured over pictures of haircuts and styles, wanting one of them for yourself? Have you asked everyone you know which cut would look best on you, all the while, NOT CUTTING YOUR HAIR? We blame it on a lot of stuff. I don't know which one to choose. I don't know how my husband would feel. I don't know when to do it. I don't know which stylist to call. But at the end of the day, when you take out all of the other stuff, you are left with "I want to cut my hair to bad...but you don't."

That's where I've been the past few weeks. Not literally with hair - I don't have much more to cut. (Somewhere my dad just read this and had a minor panic attack at the thought of me going from pixie cut to completely bald.) Mine has been here, on my keyboard - the place where I'm most vulnerable. I want to write so bad. I want to share and teach and make people laugh and walk alongside and mentor and praise and be silly and laugh and cry. I want to write. I want to write a book. I want to write a bible study. I want to write just about anywhere someone could read the words. But the past several weeks I've been living in the land of "but you don't." I have a lot of really good reasons. I stay at home and that means 24 hours a day of nonstop something. I don't want to write a blog if I should wait and write a book. I don't want to write a book if I should wait and format it for a website. I don't know where to start. But I also have not-so-really-good reasons. At the core, if I'm honest, I'm scared. Terrified might be a better word. Scared of what to write and when and where and how... I'm afraid.

But today, I noticed something again for the first time. Do you ever do that? You've seen something a dozen times but all of a sudden, something clicks and makes sense in a way it didn't the other 12 times. I read this verse:
      My peace I give you....do not let your hearts be troubled and not be afraid. (John 14:27) 
Even if you don't know much about the Bible, you've probably heard that in one context or another. But here's what I saw today...
     You have the choice to be troubled or accept the peace I give you. Don't choose to be afraid.
That word "let" implies that I decide what troubles my heart. "Do not" suggests that it's a conscious decision to do or not to do. It doesn't say there's nothing to be afraid of. Life is scary sometimes. It simply says choose to trust more than you choose to fear.

Maybe you do want to cut your hair. Or maybe it's a different kind of cliff you're staring at, wishing you were on the other side, but parlayed to jump. Maybe, like me, you have a dream you want so bad you're scared to do anything about for fear you'll mess it up.

Whatever it is, I say we cut, jump, write. I say we take a really deep breath and even though everything inside is scared to death, we choose to trust more than we choose to fear.

What do you fear? Are you willing to choose take a little step toward trust? Leave a comment and share. If that scares you even more, I can tell you...I just told the world my biggest fear and I'm surprisingly, still standing. So I've got that going for me...

UNjust

Girls, we have a problem. It happens every single day in doctors' offices and classrooms, dorm rooms and cubicles. It happens on playgrounds. It happens in bathrooms. It's a problem.

I sat in a bible study last night and listened as some of the sweetest women I know shared their hearts and feelings. These girls are superstars. They work full time to support their families. They care for their husbands. They travel when they'd rather be home. They stay home with the kids even when that's not their preference. They are friends when another woman needs a friend. They are wives and moms, sisters and friends. They do more in a day than some people accomplish in a month. They are amazing. Yet I heard one word over and over as I listened to them, and it broke my heart. Every time they said it, it hurt me to see them hurt.

just

I'm just a mom
I'm just a wife.
I'm just a teacher.
I'm just an accountant.
I'm just in school.
I've just been married a few months.
I've just got one kid.

just

There is nothing just about being a mom.
There is nothing just about being a wife or teacher or accountant.
There is nothing just about finishing school or staying in a marriage when it gets hard.

We need to UNjust our vocabulary. We need to make our minds and hearts UNjust.

Girls, I want to let you in on a secret. Are you ready? I'm talking to myself, too. Here it is: we're on the same team! We all want kids who eat their food and respect adults. We all want someone to love who makes us feel good about ourselves. We all want to contribute something to the world that will last. We want the same things. It may look a little different, but at our core, we are fighting for the same things. But get this way down deep in your heart. Plant it there and let it take root. We are on the same team. We don't have to fight each other.

So your best friend did a sensory activity with her kids and you don't know what sensory means. That's awesome for her kids.
So your coworker has a few more letters at the end of her name. That's awesome for her email signature.
So your sister is married and you aren't. That's awesome. She has struggles you can't imagine. And you struggle in ways that aren't a part of her daily life.

We think we are just this or just that because we are constantly comparing ourselves. We don't stop to give ourselves credit because we're too busy finding someone who did it first or bigger or brighter. Let me ask you this: if your kid learns to pee in the toilet today are you going to reprimand her because Katie down the street has been potty trained for a month? Heck to the no! You're going to praise Jesus that you don't have to Clorox the floor 17 times. Her accomplishment is no less life-changing. Her success has nothing to do with Katie's. Now maybe you and Katie's mom can have a 3 minute conversation without worrying about what's happening in the other room. (maybe)

How ridiculous would it sound to say "It's just a beautiful day so I'm just going to drive my car that I just have the resources to afford so I can just go to work and just pay for my kids to have just a roof over their heads"? That's dumb. So here's what I propose. I double dog pound dare you. Remove the word "just" from your vocabulary and see what happens. Stop when you start to say "Well, I'm just..." Replace it with "I'm a woman." "I'm a mom." "I'm a bus driver." Because those are all pretty great things.

And when you do, send me a note because I want to hear how special you are. I want to hear about how your corner of the world - regardless of how small you think it is - is different because you're a part of it. You aren't just here. You're here! And here is better because of you.

ps - yes, I did double dog pound dare you. so it's official. you have to do it.

pps - I now know what sensory means but I still won't be giving Brynna a bucket of rice to play with on the kitchen floor. I can't. I'm short of breath just thinking about the mess.

What I Learned At Dinner

One of the first friends I made in Houston was Mallory. I tell people she was God's special way of giving me a hug. See, Mallory isn't married. Mallory doesn't have kids. I don't hang out with her because our kids are in the same class. I don't have to make small talk because we don't really have much in common. I hang out with her because she's fun, and we usually talk so long one of us is late for wherever we're going. When I moved to a new place yet again and needed a friend to just be silly with, God gave me Mallory.

There's one minor hiccup in our friendship. Mallory is 25. Well, 26 now. She had a birthday this week, and Friday night 8 of her friends and I went out to dinner to celebrate her. If you are over the age of 33, when was the last time you hung out with 25 year old girls? Let me tell you this: You are missing out. You're missing out on knowing the newest online shops for cute jewelry and how to do a smoky eye and a dozen other life lessons you long forgot. Here's my list. Here's what I learned from one evening with nine 20-something girls...

1. I'm not 20-something
2. When the bridesmaid dress is coral and the wedding colors are spring but it's a more formal evening wedding, you should do a smokey eye with shades of brown. (Please note: I have never done a "smokey eye" nor would I know how to do it regardless of the shades you provide me.)
3. I am SO glad I don't have to date. Like, more glad than I can put it into words.
4. My phone can do about 176,000 things I don't know about or understand
5. My fingers don't move that fast. These girls go from website to photo to send a text to check an email to respond to Facebook...my brain about exploded just looking over Alexa's shoulder. I'm pretty sure there was smoke coming off the screen.
6. I can't keep up. With any of it.
7. I'm fairly certain I don't want to keep up.
9. The sorority pose is exhausting! You know the one...the girls in front bend forward so their butts are out and their hands rest on their knees while the girls in back hug in close. If it requires that you squat in that position until your thighs burn or you stand on one foot to get the best picture, that's what you do, darn it! And if it requires 13 takes, you better smile as big in the 12th as the first because it's going on 10 different Instagram accounts.
10. I'm sleepy at 9:30. (Long before the aforementioned photo op, mind you) I don't have to be in bed before 10:00, but I need to be in comfy clothes on somebody's sofa. I almost turned into a pumpkin!
11. Hugs make you smile no matter how many you get. (And I got a lot. They are huggers and I love that about them!)

I also learned:
12. There are blessings in being the oldest. My school loans have been paid off longer than they've been out of high school, so I picked up all the extras.
13. There is so much joy in freedom. There is so much to smile about in life - a cute font, a new lip color, a fun new piece of jewelry or a pen that writes really well. It's there if you look and let yourself smile.

We get so caught up in the stuff of life that sometimes we forget to breathe. We forget to laugh just because we can. We forget to hug. We take ourselves and our jobs and our spouses and our kids and our plans so seriously.

God gave me a special hug when He gave me Mallory because every time I spend time with her He reminds me who He made me to be. Before I was a wife or a writer or a mom or a teacher I was a girl. And it's fun to just be a girl. I'm so glad these sweet girls reminded me of that.

Don't miss the irony of my closed eyes. I SAID I was sleepy!