If it wasn't for Texas...

There's a country song that lists all the things Texas is famous for - the Alamo, Austin City Limits, the yellow rose and lonesome dove.  The song ends with these words...

It made me the man I am:
Thank God for my old stompin' ground.
I wouldn't be standin' right here, right now,
If it wasn't for Texas.

I moved to Texas in 2003 after getting married in college and living for 3 months in a Notre Dame dorm room.    It wasn't the best time of my life.  Actually, it was one of the worst.  I hated Texas, Dallas and everything with a star on it.  Dallas moved faster than I wanted, spent more money than I had and left me feeling homesick like I'd never been before.  But that was only the beginning.  About 6 months after moving here, my life came to one of those forks in the road.  I found myself at a decision point.  I could go one direction and face pain like I'd never known, chase down hurts I had worked years to hide, let God shine light where it was dark.  Or I could go the other way.  Although I had honed the skill for years, I found myself unable to appear perfectly put together.  Suddenly I was staring back at myself through the eyes of my husband and what I saw wasn't pretty.


The farther from that time I get, the more I wonder if I chose the road less traveled or if God just picked me up and put me there.  I chose; I know God never forces us.  But it was one of those steps of faith that you take not because you are of sound mind to make a good choice but because you can't physically take another step in the other direction.  David and I spent more than a year in therapy.  He held my hand, we cried together and as healing started replacing hurt, it got more enjoyable to shine light in that darkness.  Eventually, the sessions got farther apart and like a rainy day when the sun comes out, things started warming up.  Now and then, one of us still visits Dr. Jim for a tweak, but we have come to the other side.  And what we have on this side wouldn't have been possible if I had never left Oklahoma.  The growth couldn't have happened if I'd stayed forever in my comfort zone.  Had I been unwilling to go through the hurt, God couldn't have used me to touch lives by sharing my story and holding someone's hand at their fork in the road.


There was a time that I resented living in Dallas.  I tried all I could to resist, lest I embrace this place that wasn't my "mine.".  But now,  just as I take pride in the fact that I am a Texan, God is calling me away again.  They put the For Sale sign in the yard today.  David, Brynna, Miles and I are moving to Washington DC.  God has blessed our obedience with amazing abundance.  David has been offered a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity, and we are heading East to follow as God clears the path.  When the offer was first discussed, David and I had a long conversation about what it would mean to move, uproot Brynna, leave the place we've become a family, etc.  But above all the fears and questions, we both came back to one thought again and again - 

I would rather stand before my Father even if I try and fail, knowing I went obediently where He sent me than hear Him say that He had so much more for me if only I'd been willing to follow.


I didn't have that perspective 8 years ago.  and I didn't know God like I know Him now.  I couldn't trust Him with everything because I wasn't willing to give it all to Him.  Today, as I sit here with butterflies in my stomach, reviewing MLS listings, the nerves don't have control.  God does.  And in large part, that's because...

It made me the (wo)man I am:
Thank God for my old stompin' ground.
I wouldn't be standin' right here, right now,
If it wasn't for Texas.