I pray I learn to love like kids do...

As we drove to lunch today, Brynna prompted a conversation that will stay with me always. Sitting in the backseat dressed loudly in pink, she asked if Zoe was in surgery. I explained that it was still nighttime in Australia so Zoe was sleeping but would start surgery soon. Brynna was momentarily distracted by the timezone discrepancy (she comes by that naturally; it confuses the heck out of me) and then she said, "So AJ & Zoe and I share the sun. When it's here, they're sleeping and then when they have the sun, I'm sleeping."

I'm not sure I've ever heard a better explanation.

She chattered on about how she hoped Zoe wouldn't be too scared and how she prayed she slept well. Then, as though the thought hit her for the first time, she asked, "Mama. What's actually wrong with Zoe's back?"

It never occurred to her to need the details to pray.

I explained that when Zoe was two, she had a really bad bug on her back and it hurt her insides. She had to take medicine and have surgery to remove it. Now the doctors are fixing where the bug hurt her back. She thought a moment and as if she was doing math in her tiny head, she asked, "So has Zoe always been sick since I've been alive?" I confirmed and told her that's why in some of the pictures when she and AJ were babies, Zoe doesn't have hair. The medicine made her lose her hair. Her response was, "Zoe lost her hair?" I told her to think about the picture on Yaya's wall. Nothing. I told her to think about the pictures we laugh about when she and AJ were such different sizes. Nothing.

She was too busy playing with and loving her cousin to notice she was bald.

She then asked if Zoe's back has always hurt even after the bug was gone. "Yes, " I told her. "That's why she's had to wear a brace." I can't count how many times Brynna and Zoe have been in the midst of a conversation while Zoe laid on the floor and one of us tightened the straps on her brace her brace. (Brynna's arm is literally wrapped around Zoe's brace as they smile for the camera in Disney World.) Brynna obviously knows Zoe has worn a brace; it just never dawned on her it was bad. I added that after today's surgery, she hopefully won't have to wear the brace again or the halo on her head. Without a joking ounce in her body, she asked with every bit of 4-year-old seriousness, "Mom. There's something IN Zoe's head?" The tone in her voice implied "What is wrong with you people that you haven't gotten it off her head before now?!"

I share these pics only to illustrate how profound it is that she literally never noticed. That check in your gut that just happened...she never had that thought of "oh, poor Zoe!" She saw her cousin. She loves her cousin. They made faces to see who could make the other laugh because that's what they do.

We could learn so much from children if we'd let them teach us.

We don't need to be in the same timezone to share.
We don't need details to pray.
If we'd focus so intently on loving one another, we wouldn't even recognize the differences and flaws that we think are such a big deal.

Be Loud

Zoe is loud. She comes by it naturally. Her mom is loud, her brother and cousin Brynna are loud. Some might even say her Aunt Gigi is loud. (me? noooo!) Zoe is a different kind of loud. She laughs loud like AJ and talks loud like Brynna. She snorts loud when she laughs like her mama and dresses loud (which could not please her Aunt Gigi more!). But Zoe also loves loud. She has this ability to love you even if you don't love her back (which you will do eventually because you can't help it). She loves no matter what you look like. She loves no matter where she is. She loves with all of her little self.

When Zoe was admitted to the hospital a couple weeks ago, she immediately set about making the space hers. No way could she lay in a quiet, colorless room for a month! She hung streamers from her bed rails and decorated with art work and balloons and more streamers. The bed she's been in for traction has a canopy-like frame over it that looks like a birthday party had too much to drink. And it's awesome. It's exactly who she is. She also entered the intensive care ward like she and her mama enter any space - they immediately knew everyone's names, why they are there and how they could make them laugh. And that's what she's done for the past 10 days. She's loudly loved the patients, doctors, nurses and visitors of that hospital. She's had bubble fights so messy they had to mop the floor. She's done every art project they could think up for someone flat on her back. She's made silly faces with Brynna across an ocean, and we've laughed so loud we've been asked to keep it down. She's watched television by changing channels with her toes, much to the amusement of everyone in sight. She's learned to roll and climb while keeping her head stationary in the halo and is not shy to put on a show. Zoe has laughed and loved loud.

Our loud little monkey has surgery again today. Her progress while in traction has been even more than doctors predicted, and they are hopeful today's fusion will be her last surgery for awhile. That's our hope, too. Zoe is understandably scared. Just like a couple weeks ago, we all are. This surgery will fuse part of her spine by inserting a rod and screws in several vertebrate. That part of her spine will never grow further. Surgery is several hours long, and again, I'm sitting on the opposite side of the world rather than in the waiting room by my sister. There are risks that come with any operation, but especially spinal surgery, that I can't bear to think about. 

But here is where my heart will sit today - God is loud. He likes to display His glory in big ways because He's big. The sky that goes on forever, the sunset with more colors than I can name, the newborn baby who miraculously goes from breathing liquid to air in seconds...He's loud in ways we can't comprehend. He's loud, and He made Zoe beautifully loud.

So today, I'm praying loud. And I'm dressing loud and I'm laughing loud. I'm going to play with Brynna loud, and I'm going to love loud. If you aren't already dressed for the day, go add something pink (the brighter the better) and think of Zoe for me. If the pink doesn't match or makes your outfit a little more loud than usual...all the better! 

No matter where you are. No matter what it looks like. Just like Zoe, with all your little self...Be loud.

If you dress loud, post a pic on Twitter or Instagram with hashtag #ZoeLife so I can show her!

Observations in OK

I spent last week in Oklahoma with family for Thanksgiving. My parents live on acreage outside of Tulsa. (For my city friends, that means there are no buildings taller than 2 stories and there are cows. Lots of them.) While I grew up in Oklahoma, we lived in the city limits, so the country still surprises me sometimes. And while I visit often, every now and then I see the good old plains state through the eyes of someone who has experienced so much of the world outside of the flatlands.

Some observations from Oklahoma...

Camouflage is acceptable daily wear. I was under the impression that camo was designed to blend in to the surroundings of the woods to conceal hunters from their prey. I was wrong. It is apparently appropriate at the movies, while shopping or out for a nice dinner. 

I had no idea camo came in so many styles and shades of pink.

Wifi is not necessary for life. If this confuses you, you are not alone. I, too, was confused. It would appear, however, that when your nearest neighbor is a mile away, fiber optics are out of the question. (If you're wondering, this is also the reason this blog is 4 days late. At a certain point, you give up and just go drink a glass of iced tea.)

Country is not the same as Southern. In the South, people speak with an accent and may have different words for common terms. (For example, "ya'll" means "you all" and a buggy is a shopping cart.) In the Country, people speak another language. Just like visiting any other foreign environment, you can get real lost, real quick. Dark thirty is not a movie - that's just after sunset. You might say "no worries." They say "don't give it no never mind." Food is kept in the icebox and yesterday Wal-Mart was busier "than who laid the chunk." (That one may be less Country and more just my dad. When frustrated he also claims you are "overcooking his grits.")

My dad didn't write this book. But he could have.

You see more when you slow down. There is a rule when you turn onto my parents' drive. You slow down and creep around the corner (with brights on if it's after dark thirty) and you scan the horizon for whatever may be waiting - whether its the cows at the fence or deer in the field. You can't see what you don't slow down and look for.

You see more when there's less to see. When surrounded by lights and sounds and cars and phones and tweets and texts...things can get lost in the noise. When you stand in the middle of a field, you see the way the wind blows the grass. You see the shape of a snake in a fallen tree limb. (Which Brynna affectionately named Princess.) You see animals in the clouds. You hear birds and feel the peace that comes with silence.

These town names are not normal. I thought they were, but I now realize I just never knew differently. Oklahoma is the heart of Native America, so Talequah, Sapulpa, Checotah, Atoka, Wapenucka and Nowata are just stops along the way - as is Quapaw (where we drove through on the way to Thanksgiving dinner).

If I hadn't taken a picture you wouldn't have believed me, would you?

Gravy goes with (and on) everything. We met my grandparents for dinner at the home of the world famous hot hamburger. (I'm still trying to understand what you'd do with a cold hamburger.)

To answer your obvious question...no, I didn't have the famous burger.
I stuck to chicken tenders. Seemed safer.

It's so dry! I realize I live in Houston (ie.e: the inside of a cloud), but Oh My Gosh! My dad's temperature gauge says there's 24% humidity. My skin has sucked up every drop of moisture in the air and it's still cracked.

"News" is relative. Traffic was backed up a whole mile after an accident. We watched a helicopter shot of an intersection with a water main break for 30 minutes. The weatherman who asked viewers to send in Twitter updates read them from his phone (which he struggled to see). Better to have no news than bad news, I guess...

Kids don't need half the stuff they (or we) think they need. Brynna doesn't need Barbies or castles or movies or electronics when she's in the country. She feeds horses and dogs. She climbs trees and runs and counts stars until the rest of us are too cold to stay outside any longer. 

Sunsets have more colors than Crayola could fit in any box of crayons.

One...Two...Breathe...

This weekend's one thing: Say thank you.

It's not that we don't think it. It's that we don't always say it. And there's something more potent about saying it. There's something meaningful - to you and the person receiving - if you go out of your way. What if you didn't just say it but instead, you show it? What if you write a note by hand instead of an email? What if you call the person instead of sending a text?

This was a busy week. For many of us it was spent with family. Someone opened their home. Someone cooked. Someone cleaned or watched kids or played or made you smile.

Who can you thank? 

Not because you have to. Because you can. 

Give Thanks

I've explained before that I have a tradition with my friends. When we are struggling or stressed, we ask others to start an "I'm Grateful" day. There is something therapeutic and motivating about hearing the praises of others. Thanksgiving is our country's version of a Grateful day - regardless of where you are or what you've been through, it's a day set aside to give thanks. It's a day to pause and step back from the normal routine of life. But unfortunately, some routines can't be stepped away from. Sometimes you are in the midst of a struggle you can't put on hold. There is no pause button on divorce, unemployment or cancer. Those are the days when you need a little help. You need to hear the praise of others to help motivate and heal your spirit.

My family is in one of those seasons. Zoe can't put traction or spinal surgery on hold. My sister and brother-in-law can't step away from the hospital routine. There is no pause button. A Grateful day is in order and it just so happens, the entire US decided to join us! I may not be able to go to Australia, but praise doesn't need a plane ticket. (Look at that! Zoe is bridging international boundaries and she's never left her bed!)

So today, on Thanksgiving Day, these are a few things I'm grateful for...

iMessage
camera phones
Skype & FaceTime
AT&T myfi (I don't actually know what you call it, but this little white box means I can connect to the internet in the middle of a hay field)
Brynna's laugh
AJ's innocent spirit
Zoe's smile
real Dr. Pepper
Kleenex
warm socks
heating
indoor plumbing (it's cold out there!)
reading glasses
enough food to eat and share
my fingers (the keyboard is how I speak)
David's hug
Taylor
my dad's wisdom
my mom's heart
watching Brynna dance with Nia and Nala
Autum, Colby and Chassidy
snuggles with Miles
high heels
tall boots
biscuits & gravy
my girlfriends
grace
mercy
Jesus

(my list is CLEALY not in order of importance!)

So now it's your turn. Will you please list a few things you're grateful for? You can add it as a Facebook comment or here below. You can tweet them with hashtag #ImGrateful or you can take a pic and post them on Instagram. Just know that the more you praise, the more you help my sister (and everyone around you) do the same. The more you praise, the farther away the worries get. The more you praise, the more you see the good and the less scary the bad seems.

ps...this is not rhetorical. I'm literally asking you to literally post the things you're literally grateful for.
pps...this is not a writing contest. There is no great wisdom in my love for Dr. Pepper.
ppps...when you're done, share this post so my sister can see how many people all over the world are willing share their praise
pppps...I don't actually have another note. I just wanted to put "pppps". but while I'm here - What are you grateful for???

Good Word Wednesday

It's Thanksgiving break. For most people, that means a few days off. The temperature dropped considerably in most areas this week, and colder temps mean more time inside. If you're anything like me, there's one cure for time off when it's cold outside: a good book! I haven't read near as much lately as I'd like but that's mostly due to the 3 ft. blonde person I can't seem to shake. She's cute, but sitting quietly while Mama reads is not on her To Do list...ever. But I have read several good "time off" reads. Here's a few...

Cry No More is one of those books you don't want to end because it's so good, but you need it to end because you haven't slept in 2 days. The end of every chapter leaves you thinking "Well, I need to know what happens. I have to keep going now!" And this continues until about 3 am when someone pokes you and asks if you're ever going to turn off the light. (Or that's what happens at my house.) It's not new, but if you're like me, you heard it mentioned, filed it in the "I'll get to that one day" section of your brain and never have gotten to it. I'm telling you. Get to it.

The Secret Keeper is much the same. Not at all similar in story, but exactly the same obsessive need to find out what happens. The trick with this one is that you don't keep reading just because you want to know more, but because by the time one chapter ends, you are tempted to hate the character that in the last chapter you loved. I often give David the cliff notes of what I'm reading, and with this one he kept asking "so what's happening now?" and my answer was usually, "I'm not sure."

                                                         

If you don't have a little person dogging you at every turn, you might have the luxury of a few more minutes. If you do, and you want more than just one book, a trilogy is always fun. It cures that need for more because when you get to the end, there's another book waiting! (Until you get to the last book. I guess that logic only goes so far.) If a trilogy is what you seek, look no farther, friend. I mentioned Francine Rivers a few weeks ago. One of her most well-known pieces is the Mark of the Lion series. I felt like scenes from Gladiatorwere coming to life in my mind's eye. It's literally one of the best things I've ever read. Ever. And while I am not much for rereading something (I get bored when I know what's going to happen), these books I plan to revisit.

                                              

I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with love, laughter, gratefulness and a good book (or three)!

Not the Same Thing

It needs to be said. I'm sorry to be the one to say it, but it's necessary. For some of us, it's going to hurt. I'm warning you now.

Your dog (or other pet) is not a child.

There. I said it. I know at least 6 people have already stopped reading and 2 of them are drafting emails to tell me how insensitive I am. I'm not insensitive. I'm also not against having, caring for, loving and nurturing an animal. My dog is a member of our family. He makes me laugh and cry. I love him for being by my side for some of my darkest days. Miles goes on trips with us and snuggles in when we have movie night. Miles also goes outside to pee. He licks the floor and eats stuff out of the trashcan. Miles is a dog.

It's not that I'm against loving your pet. I love Miles. It's not that I'm minimizing the responsibility involved in caring for a pet. Pet owners do have to be willing to rearrange schedules and make accommodations that you otherwise don't have to do. I'm also not suggesting that pets don't add joy and comfort to our lives. When a tumor threatened my niece's life, it was Miles who made her smile again for the first time after surgery.

What I'm saying is that he's a dog, and it's best for him and for me to treat him that way. I don't know how many parents I've known who consider their dog their child only to one day have a child and then have a conflict of heart. Sadly, they often end up getting rid of the pet that was once so precious to them because he threatens what is now most precious to them. They pour the same obsessive attention on the child that they once did on the dog. And the result is that they force themselves to choose. If the dog is a dog, and the child is a child, no one has to choose. Are there instances where the dog isn't good with children or other extenuating circumstances? Of course. But let me ask...when was the last time you heard someone say "The baby was allergic to pet dander so we had to give the kid away"?

Dogs are dogs and kids are kids. They aren't the same thing. I spent a lot of nights potty training Miles not to poop in the house. That was NOTHING compared to months on end of night feedings with a newborn. I want Miles to obey, but if he doesn't, few other than me bear the consequences. If Brynna doesn't learn respect, she and everyone she comes into contact with will suffer. The implications are higher because she's a person who will affect other beings. Miles is an animal. Parenting a pet involves giving up a piece of your selfishness to accommodate another. Parenting a child involves giving up every selfish bone in your body to do what's best for that child regardless of how it affects you. I love my dog. I know you love your pet, but don't confuse the difficulty of motherhood with scooping poop in the backyard. I've done both. It's not the same thing.