What She Doesn't See

I had to apologize to a friend today. There's nothing more humbling than asking someone for forgiveness, knowing they have every reason not to extend it. Yesterday, I did laundry, paid bills, studied my Bible and prayed. I also lost my patience, talked about someone when she wasn't around and ate cookies for lunch. The one thing all of that has in common is that Brynna saw none of it.

I think so much about what she sees. I am aware of every minute of television she watches and think through my every response so that hopefully what she sees is an example I want her to follow. But who you are when no one is looking is who you are. What I do when she can't see is maybe more important than what she can see. Scratch that. It IS more important. What she doesn't see is who I am.

She sees a lot right now because we spend 26 hours a day together. (That's not a typo.) But in a few short months, she will go to school all day. She won't see how I spend my time, handle our finances or treat people when she's not around. And I won't see. I won't see how she talks with other little girls. I won't see how she treats the kid other kids leave out. I won't see the way she speaks to adults.

Do I want who she is when I'm not looking to be who I am when no one's around? Motherhood is one big, never-ending, raw look in the mirror. How do I talk with other girls? How do I treat the people who require extra grace? How do I speak to authority?

What she doesn't see is who I am. And whether she can see it or not, it's who she's learning to become.

I don't know how my friend will respond to my apology or what I'll have for lunch. But I know that the choices I make - even when she doesn't see - will affect who she is. So I'm going to work a little harder so that what she doesn't see is who I want her to be.

Let's Get Together Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Four year olds are notorious for a lot of things; one of them is imitation. They will remember and repeat whole sentences and conversations - usually at the times you least prefer it. Brynna is no exception. One of her favorite words is apparently. "Apparently Miles needs to go outside." "Well, apparently I can't find my Barbie's shoes." "Mom, apparently I'm almost as tall as you." Good, bad or ugly, the eyes of a child are the most truthful mirror about yourself. And apparently I use the word apparently a lot.

In addition to things she hears, Brynna also imitates things she sees. She wants to wear high heels because I do. She wants to hunt deer because Daddy and Papa do. She thinks she's half mermaid because Merliah is in her Barbie movie. It was this raw belief that she can recreate anything that led her to leave her friend naked in a cape last week.

After gymnastics, Brynna's friend Kaitlin came over to play. They had tea parties, took care of babies, cooked food, played games and tried on every princess and dance dress in a 10 mile radius. About 5 minutes before Kaitlin's mom was to pick her up, I gave the girls a warning. I poked my head in the play room to find each of them in a different tutu, spinning in circles. I told them they didn't need to stop playing, but just to be aware Kaitlin would need to leave soon. Not long after that, I heard what happens regularly when girls play. "I'm telling your mom." Then footsteps toward my office followed by, "No, here, you can have it. You can have it!" Not the best way to handle a conflict, but that's part of learning. I assumed it was over, so imagine my surprise when Kaitlin comes walking into my office wearing nothing but panties and a pink princess cape. I couldn't stifle the laugh. I'm sorry. You shouldn't laugh at children, but that's funny.

Kaitlin proceeded to tell me that Brynna wanted to go to her house. Call me crazy, but I had no idea what that had to do with the little naked blonde person in front of me. About that time, Brynna came slowly around the corner and into my office - dressed entirely in Kaitlin's clothes. Head to toe, she had stripped of her dress up clothes, and before Kaitlin could put them on, Brynna had donned the sweatsuit Kaitlin had been wearing. What I had overheard was Kaitlin threatening to tell me and Brynna saying no, she could have her clothes back. But the plan was foiled when Brynna couldn't get the sweatshirt off by herself. The cape and panties were making a bit more sense. Kaitlin had been trying to get dressed when her clothes were stolen. But why on earth Brynna had the clothes on at all was still a mystery. As Brynna began sheepishly explaining that she wanted to go to Kaitlin's house, it all started making sense. Well, 4-year-old sense.

Brynna recently saw The Parent Trap. And by saw, I mean watched on repeat for 4 days straight while she and her daddy were sick. She wanted to go to Kaitlin's house, so it made perfect sense to her that she could change clothes and they'd just switch. I'd never notice that one little blonde person had been exchanged for the other. I asked if she wanted Kaitlin to live here with me and she said, "Well, only until I get done playing with her toys. Then we can go back."

Makes perfect sense. Well, 4-year-old sense.

Start Again

Brynna has this new thing. It started last week when we were in the kitchen making breakfast. She had gotten up earlier and sat with me, played a bit and started doing some Kumon homework. The first thing she said when she came in to greet me that morning was "I'm gonna have a good day, Mommy! I'm going to be a big girl all day!" Of course, I was elated to hear the news of her plans (but let's be honest, skeptical of the likelihood.) She had been right on track with her agenda of good behavior until she hit a snag with her math homework and didn't want to do anymore. I think a pencil was "dropped" and I'm pretty sure the counter was kicked. When I reprimanded her for the behavior, BG burst in tears and cried, "I just wanted to be a big girl today!" (Cue mom laughter. Seriously. How am I expected to show empathy and guidance? She was hysterical like someone assaulted her and took away her big girl abilities.) As I tried to calm her down so we could get back to the matter of addressing the behavior and homework, she looked up at me, tear-stained and red-faced and said, "Can we start the day over again?" I wasn't sure what that meant, but I took the bait and asked her to clarify. She wanted to go upstairs to her room and come down again. I agreed, and off she went, sniffling and snorting. About 3 minutes later, a bright-eyed Brynna came walking down the stairs as if it were the first time she'd seen me that day. She said good morning, gave me a hug and kiss and then informed me she was going to work on her homework. Just like that. She literally started the day over again.

It happened again Monday. Brynna has been dressing herself (please keep that in mind when you see us around town. I didn't choose the color combo or the tank top in the middle of winter.). She was fully dressed before 8am, and greeted me similarly with plans to be a big girl all day. She started her homework without being asked, emptied the dishwasher without dramatic antics and was eating her breakfast - a feat in and of itself. She asked if she could finish her math in my bathroom while I got ready. I agreed, so there we were - two girls at the vanity mirror, writing numbers and applying mascara. Somewhere around #97 (out of 100), she decided that she didn't like the way she wrote the number nine and erased them all. Then, she got frustrated because it still didn't look "right" and now, instead of being almost done, several places were incomplete. I could see the storm on the horizon, and I encouraged her to take a minute and calm down. She, of course, saw no need to heed my advice and was soon in a full, dramatic meltdown. And when I say dramatic, I mean roll out the red carpet, Academy award winning, best performance by a 4 year old - dramatic. I sent her to time out, hoping she would compose herself, but instead, she sat at the bottom of the stairs crying loudly, "I just wanted to be a big girl, but I can't make a nine that's curved!" When I bent down and tried to talk to her, she clamped her hand over her mouth, but was still crying. In a new wave of exasperation, she wailed, "I can't make it stop! I'm trying to stop crying but it won't turn off!" In the midst of the tears and snot, she sniffed out "Mama, can I just start the day again?" I could see that we were getting no where with the current situation, so I agreed. She went up the stairs, still crying, to her room, where she turned off the lights and got all the way back under the covers. After a few minutes, she got up, brushed herself off and came back down. Again, she greeted me as if it were an entirely new day and none of the past 15 minutes had happened. She respectfully asked me to help her with a number nine, I did so and she went back to trying on her own. Once she'd finished her homework, there was a minor travesty concerning boots vs. shoes and she started the day over yet again. (Sometimes you need more than one redo.)

Here's what I learned from Brynna:
* You can start a whole day over. Who knew?
* If you don't like the direction you're going, you don't have to get more and more frustrated trying to fix it. You can stop, revisit where you wanted to go originally and try again.
* Sometimes you need to restart more than once. That's ok.

And the biggest thing I learned...
As long as I (her mom) returned the greeting and allowed the day to restart, she was fine. It all hinged on me. Had I laughed or made fun of Brynna's suggestion to restart the day, I would taken away a little bit of her desire to find solutions to problems on her own. Had I reprimanded her or been harsh, I would have crushed a little bit of the creativity that makes her unique. Had I brought up the past mistake, I would have taught her that forgiveness is conditional and limited. Had I ostracized her, I would have made her feel alone in her frustration.

Instead, I showed her that I'm here. No matter how many times it takes. I helped her see that it's ok not to be perfect. It's ok to feel overwhelmed and need a redo. It's ok to lose it a little bit if you pull it back together. It's ok to need to start again.

Pillow Problem

My name is Regina, and I have a pillow problem. My last pillow purchase was 2 days ago.

Like most addictions, it's easy to explain to just yourself. But when you see it through someone else's eyes, you begin to get some perspective. My parents, brother and his wife came to visit this weekend. The first thing my dad said when putting luggage in the guest room was, "Can I get a pillow? I just don't think I have enough pillows." He was kidding, of course, but I did have more in the closet waiting for just such a request - begging to be called in off the bench. We hosted a Christmas party last month, and when everyone gathered in the living room to exchange presents, we pulled in extra chairs and found seats on sofas, etc. As 3 girls started to sit on the sofa, they awkwardly perched on the side until I suggested they throw the pillows on the floor, giving them more room. Of course minus the pillows, 2 more people had room to join them.

I'm not necessarily a pillow snob. I mean, I have standards. I prefer a down insert with a cover over a stuffed pillow. But I'm an equal opportunity purchaser. I'll take a Home Goods sale just as quickly (probably faster) than a Pottery Barn limited edition. (You didn't know there's such a thing as a limited edition pillow, did you? See, I'm using my problem for educational purposes!) I've got Target pillows right next to Peacock Alley shams. I love them. I can't help it. You can transform a room by changing the colors of the pillows. You can make a femininely shaped chair look more masculine; you can make an uncomfortable chair suddenly plush and comfy.

The problem is that pillows are the starter - the warm up. They are soft and comfortable. They are small and inexpensive (if purchased singularly. That logic is not as accurate when you go on a binge. Not that I know from experience. I'm just saying. It stands to reason.) They are pretty and unassuming. They add character without breaking the bank. But. They are a gateway drug. You start out with a cute pillow from Home Goods that matches your bedding. Next thing you know you're buying new furniture because you need color in one corner of the room and there's no chair to put a pillow on. (I'm speaking hypothetically, of course.)

They say admitting the problem is the first step. I'm not sure what Step 2 is in this case but I'm 2 days sober, and I plan to stay that way. Promise. Scouts honor.

(Until Spring. You have to change up the colors with holidays and seasons. That's necessary...right?)

To Watch You Sleep

All I can think all day long

is what I would give

to watch you sleep.

I watch you run and climb and jump and skip.

I just want 

to watch you sleep.

When you bounce around while other kids nap,

I think how nice it would be

to watch you sleep.

I'd give anything to rest

yet you fight it with a vengeance.

You'll do anything to not let me

watch you sleep.

You come up with every excuse you can imagine

just so I can't

watch you sleep.

You need to potty. You need louder music.

You need another cup of water. 

You forgot to floss.

Anything so I don't get

to watch you sleep.

And then finally

you're still for the first time all day.

Finally

you close your eyes.

I don't care that you're a sweaty mess of tangled hair.

I see a bunched up nightgown and favorite blanket.

I see soft hands and hear soft breathing.

I'm not thinking about how tired I've been

chasing you all day.

I'm not concerned with how tired I'll be tomorrow

chasing you all day.

For now,

I just get 

to watch you sleep.

And I wouldn't trade a moment.

And I can't believe 

God lets me be 

the one

to watch you sleep.

Turn Back to Praise

There's a story in the Bible about 10 men who were healed. They all had leprosy. They all cried out for Jesus to have pity on them. They all walked away clean. Only one turned back to say thank you. I don't know if it's because I have a child of my own who I would do anything for or if it's because I've seen Jesus do more amazing things than I ever thought possible. But whatever the reason, this story has been on my mind constantly.

I think about it when I pick Brynna up from school and all 20 kids leave, the product of their teacher's outpouring of herself into them. Does she stand there in the wake somedays and wonder "do they realize what it takes to keep order with 4 year olds all day?"

I think about it each of the 73 times a day I help Brynna with a task she can't do on her own. I wonder "does she realize that I stopped what I was doing to make sure she got what she needed?"

I think about it at church when I see hundreds of people stream past staff members, few of whom really understand what it takes to welcome them each week.

I think about it at restaurants, the movies, the grocery store...I think about the man who cuts my grass and the precious woman who cleans my house. Do they end somedays wondering "do the people I served today have any idea what it cost me?"

I never want to be one of the nine. I don't want to raise a child who's one of the nine. I never want to go on with life as usual, overlooking the blessing that I have only because someone sacrificed something of their own. I want to turn every chance I get, and like the one man who came back, throw myself at Jesus's feet, praising and thanking him.

The past year has been a lesson in restoration. Our time in DC was difficult for many reasons, but our marriage suffered the most. Friends prayed; our therapist counseled. We are better because they gave of themselves, and I am so grateful.

Moving was a necessary part of that restoration. My mother-in-law spent 18+ hours in a car and one night in a shady hotel we still talk about. My parents spent 2 weeks away from their own making sure our new house was a place we can call home. They gave of themselves, and I am so grateful.

Two months ago my family was in need. My niece faced 2 life-threatening surgeries; we felt scared, hopeful and helpless all at once. People stopped their lives to pray with us. People Zoe may never meet fasted on our behalf. She is spending a week with her grandparents; she went to the beach. She can ride a bike, bend and stretch in ways that are nothing short of miraculous, and I am so grateful. Forever. Overwhelmingly grateful.

I am a broken, imperfect person who tries really hard but often messes up. I am "good" but can't ever be good enough to get to Heaven on my own. God loves me anyway. He stepped in front of the bullet meant for me. He took the consequences so even though I'm not good enough on my own, I am with Him, and I am so grateful. Overwhelmingly, eternally grateful.

I never want to be one of the nine. I never want to go on with life as usual and overlook what it cost to get me here. I want to turn back often.

Turn back and say thank you.

Why Green Beans Are A Big Deal

Why do they hate the very things we crave? Food and sleep. I'd give anything for a nice, warm meal and a long night's sleep. My child, however, sees no benefit in slowing down to eat and finds that sleep interrupts her very important plans to take over the world. It's no wonder we're wandering the grocery store aisles in yoga pants and a t-shirt from college with hair that hasn't been combed for a day (maybe 2?). We're exhausted. A friend posted on Facebook yesterday how tired she is and the problems she's having with her 2 year old eating and sleeping. I am by no means an expert. None of us are. (I firmly believe annyone who says they are is a liar.) But I do know about 3 things - food, sleep and strong wills. I know because I've been in a 24/7 battle with one or all of them for the past 4 years, 9 months and 20 days.

While I can't fix it for you, I can tell you what helped and encourage you to keep going. Here's my overly simplified input...
(that's not overly short. sorry!)

It seems to have nothing to do with food or sleep, but bear with me:
Think of a kid's mind like large yard. An open space sounds freeing at first, but with no perimeter, it's more scary than good. Your job is to be the fence - to let her know that it's safe to run and play and be free - within that space. That fence provides security only if it's strong. So she goes about trying to figure out what's allowed, what's safe and most importantly, who she can trust. That means she has to try every inch of that fence to make sure she can feel safe in the yard. She will push every slat when it comes to food. She will poke every hole when it comes to bedtime. The best thing you can do is establish as early as possible that you built the fence, you are there to keep her safe and it's strong enough for her to trust. If she finds that the fence is sturdy in one area (maybe you're very strict about bedtime) but she gets away with more another time (when you're watching tv), she thinks that you aren't strong enough to trust all the time, so she needs to be in control.

I know it sounds A) like psycho babble or B) hard to do consistently. And you're right. It's hard. But there's more going on than food or bedtime. If you don't believe that, ask a runaway who never felt safe at home what would be different if someone had given them something to trust.

So here's my fence-keeping advice:

1. You matter - What you say, how you say it, what you do... This is more a mom thing than a kid thing. Eventually, the kid will grow out of whatever specific phase she is in. The issue is what your relationship will look like. Will she have learned to obey? Will she have learned to trust you? Or will she have figured out exactly how much it takes to wear you down before she gets her way? Because if she will wear you down about going to bed...imagine high school.

2. Consistency is key - You have to say the same thing every time and DO the same thing every time. If the answer is no on Tuesday, the answer is no on Friday. If the answer is no when we are playing, the answer is no when I'm on the phone. If the answer is no at home, the answer is no at church.

Every. Fence. Slat.

3. Enforce consequences - If you aren't willing to turn the car around, don't say you will. If you aren't really able to leave the restaurant in the middle of the meal, don't make that the consequence. Explain what the expectation is (eat your dinner), the reward for doing so (dessert) and the consequence if not (lose a favorite toy). And when she eats, you better be waiting with ice cream! If she doesn't, you better be willing to take away the toy no matter how much it cost or how bad she whines or how hard you just worked to put it together.

Every. Fence. Slat.

4. Make sure you win - If you said she has to eat 4 green beans, she has to eat them. Don't say she has to eat 4 more and then make the consequence going to bed. If she goes to bed as punishment, she didn't eat them. And in her mind, she won. Make the hurdles small at first to ensure you win. She has to take one more bite, only 2 green beans - just structure it, so you create a habit of "what mom says is what happens." I'm not trying to be mean or funny. You are in a battle for who that kid will be when she grows up. You can win and help her be a contributing member of society or you can let her win and watch her life spin sadly out of control.

It feels like green beans aren't that big of a deal. But every fence slat is. So if green beans is the issue at hand, green beans are a big deal.

5. Speak softly - If she learns that you'll ask nicely 6 times before you raise your voice and yell, how many times do you think she'll ask? If you count to 3, why would she obey on #1, she knows she has more time. On the other hand, if you ask nicely once, give a warning and then enforce the consequence, she'll learn to obey on your time frame instead of hers.

6. Take a Time Out - You. If you are about to yell, go step outside. If you are angry, take a minute before you respond. If you can't be in control of you, you are showing her that you can't be strong enough for her either. And she's found not only a weak spot in the fence about the issue at hand, but your weak spot in general - which she will gladly attempt to enflame at next opportunity.

7. Pick your battles - Don't try to tackle everything at once. If you haven't built a strong fence up to now, it's ok. You have time. But take it a step at a time. If she ate her lunch but wants to wear something crazy to the grocery store, let it go. If she picked up the toys but not perfectly, consider it good. If she's in her room but not in her bed, let it ride, Mom. One thing at a time. Brynna sometimes talks to herself for an hour before going to sleep. We'll tackle quiet later, for today, she's in there!

Practically in regards to food and sleep:

1. The nap/rest/bedtime battle is so different for every kid. Maybe you have one that will nap 3 hours but then struggles at bedtime. While that 3 hours is awesome in the afternoon, it's torture at night. So, maybe shorten the nap. If you have a kid, like mine, who decides at the ripe age of 2 that naps are not for her, create a rest time that works for her. For some, that means reading on their bed for the same amount of time as a nap. For some (mine), it means choosing 3 toys and quiet play in her room. (If I don't force her to stop, she never stops. But if I force it too much, it's more than she can do and I've entered into a battle I can't win. Been there. Done that. No thanks.) Whatever changes you make, start small. Try a new nap routine and see if it affects bedtime. Or make the bedtime routine more strict and see how it works first. Don't change everything at once - that's hard on everyone.

2. While it is true that a kid won't let himself starve, he still needs food. And you still need sanity. If your doctor thinks its appropriate, maybe a supplement will help her get more calories and ease your mind. If the doc thinks she's perfectly healthy, choose your battles. Let her have a choice if she likes to feel a part of the decision. Make the portions smaller if finishing is the issue. I've used a timer when dinner dragged on for hours. When time was up, so was dinner and nothing else to eat that night. (Side note: Nothing else to eat means you, too. Don't tell her no dessert and then make yourself a snack and give in to letting her taste a bite of yours.) The point is that you make the goal achievable to establish a routine.

3. The Ok to Wake Clock saved my life. You set bedtime and wake time, so it gives the child a visual cue. This helps especially when it's light out at bedtime. For whatever reason, she doesn't believe me, but if the clock is yellow, it must be true. It glows yellow all night long (both a nightlight and reminder) and then turns green when it's time to get up. I have no idea what time Brynna wakes up, but I hear her feet hit the floor at exactly 7:30 am when the clock turns green.

4. Rewards are just as important as consequences as long as they don't become bribes. When you're "paying" for her to go to bed, you are no longer winning. Sticker charts have worked for us, but for short seasons. If it becomes every week without change, she loses interest. The same thing won't always work, but often being allowed something "new" is reward. If she usually can't have books in bed, allow it for good behavior. Letting a special toy/friend sleep with her can sometimes work. The more good behavior you reward, the fewer bad behaviors there are that need consequences.

5. Consequences are necessary. Life is full of them. And the key is to make them as insignificant as you can. Sometimes simply their preferences can be used as consequences. Brynna doesn't like the door closed, so the rule is that if she yells once we've put her to bed, we close the door. If yours sleep with a closed door but keep opening it, sit outside the door with consequence ready. Is that fun? No. But neither is the alternative. I've taken away books before bed, a toy she wanted to sleep with, etc. Kids are little; little things matter. The point is to start small. If you start with a spanking, you don't have much further to go. If you start with a closed door, removing toys from the room, etc, you are actually speaking more on their level of understanding. They want the toy, you took the toy, you'll give the toy back if they behave...easy logic to follow. (If it's consistent!!) The other major this is that they must be immediate. Tomorrow feels like 3 weeks to a 2 year old. A consequence of what they can do the next day bears no meaning to them. Immediate and tangible are the way their minds work, so consequences must follow suit.

I think the hardest part of being a mom and the part least understood is that you're tired! Tired like you've never felt before. Dear Lord! So tired! But I can tell you this. If you're that tired, you're doing it right. If it hurts, you're making progress. I once kicked a trainer for telling me that the burn I felt in my arms was good because it meant my form was correct. Don't kick me. But it's true. Yes, you need a nap, but more than that, you need to know you're doing something. You need to know that the hours and tears and pain are worth it. You need to see a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of the toddler tunnel. This is me, holding a flashlight, cheering you on. You ARE doing something. It IS worth it. I know that doesn't make the circles under your eyes less dark, but I hope it helps your heart.

You are not working in vain. You are not tired for no reason. You are a mom. A good one. You are the best mom your kid could ever have because God entrusted her to you.

Keep going. You can do it.

If you want more info, leave a comment. Let's chat. Or if you have a question or different suggestion, tell us. The only thing that makes being a mom any harder is trying to do it alone. Please share! What have you done that worked? What tips can you share? What routine are you struggling with at this stage?

Confessions

Even though she's watched it 375 times, I don't mind The Parent Trap. It gets worse...by Parent Trap I mean the Lindsey Lohan remake. (In my defense, it may just be that it's not Barbie. I can't watch another Barbie movie. I can't.)

I don't want to say the picture is pretty 12 times. Once, at the end...that's one thing. But every 5 seconds drives me nuts. "Isn't this so pretty?" "Do you like how I colored her hair?" "Now look..."

While BG was sick, I held or sat with her while also watching Big Love on the iPad with one ear bud in. The show's not even good. And I can't get that time or brain space back!

I don't let anyone else feed Miles (the dog) people food but I do it.

I didn't help Brynna make cupcakes because it was a fun activity. I wanted to eat cupcakes.

I want to sit in a room by myself. Just quietly by myself.

I want one whole day where I'm not followed, crawled on, hugged, kissed or touched.

I miss having only myself to consider.

I miss going to work.

I want to work on something until I finish or choose to stop rather than working until someone needs something so I have to come back to it later.

I just want to think about what I want without first thinking about how everyone else's schedule or feelings will be affected.

I hate the "mom guilt" that comes with wanting those thing.

Keep Going

The plague descended on my house last week. People were coughing and sneezing and moaning and sweating. I made chicken noodle soup, rubbed backs and watched The Parent Trap approximately a gazillion times. I also drank orange juice and immunity boosters like they were Dr. Pepper. Of course, they weren't, so I drank that, too.

As I emerged from the fog yesterday it dawned on me that I did none of the standard New Year's stuff. I'm not just talking about black eyed peas and kisses at midnight. Although, I didn't do those either. I hate black eyed peas and if you wonder why I didn't kiss anyone, reread the paragraph above. (The plague, people.) No, I'm talking about visions or resolutions or whatever spin you put on it when you write down what you plan to start but likely never finish. It's become such the norm that we have phrases like "New Year, New You." But we also joke about how January is for making plans, February is for starting and March is for returning to life as normal.

I love beginnings, so New Years has always been fun. I love writing down my plans for the year and addressing what changes I can make with a fresh start. But I'm the poster child for the January, February, March thing. Partly because I write down MY plans and those are often a bit different than God's plans. Partly because I set ridiculously unrealistic expectations for myself. Mostly, it's just because it's way easier to start than it is to finish.

I don't have a new master plan for 2014. My plan is to keep doing what God told me to do in 2013 (and 2012, 2011 and 2010, if we're being honest). My plan is to keep going when I feel like stopping, to reach the end when I want to quit. Some goals take longer to reach than you thought they would. Sometimes they fit neatly into 365 days, but more often than not, they don't. In those cases, I don't need to resolve to start. I need to resolve to keep going. I don't need to begin. I need to finish.

I need to finish...
Launching a website
Writing a book
Cleaning the guest room closet

What about you? 
Did you start something but never end? You still can. The finish line is still there. The goal is still waiting for you to achieve it. It may look different than you originally thought, but you can do it. Keep going. Breathe a little easier. Maybe you don't need to resolve to start. Maybe you need to resolve to finish.

The Little Engine That Could told himself "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." In Finding Nemo they "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming..." You can do it. Even in the middle when it's hard. No matter what the calendar says. Keep going.

What do you need to keep going toward? What do you need to finish?
Let's do it together. Starting is the easy part. Ending is what takes guts.