Bluebonnets

I recently made a joke to friends in DC about Texans and bluebonnets. I explained that like so much in the Lone Star State, it's both pride in all-things Texas and a tradition that most people don't even think about. They don't know when it started. They don't know why. They just know that when they were little, their parents plopped them in the middle of a grassy area with blueish purple flowers so they plop their kids in the middle of the same flowers. If you are friends with anyone Texan on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, you've probably seen evidence. And let me clear up what you were thinking: Yes, that's the side of a highway. Yes, they just pulled over, sat the kids in the flowers and took a picture.

We moved to DC when Brynna was one, so I have pictures with monuments and cherry blossoms but no bluebonnets. Well...I HAD no pictures of bluebonnets. After exactly two weeks back in Texas, BG's grandma fixed our egregious error. We are staying with David's parents while we are homeless (David prefers I call it "in transition") and Honey K asked if she and Brynna could take a day trip with friends last week. I hesitated approximately 2 seconds before I agreed and began planning my day off. I knew they were going to tour an ice cream maker but honestly, I had no idea where they were going. I knew Honey K would take care of her wherever they were, and I knew I could sleep in. Done.

Imagine my pleasant surprise when these were the shots she came home with. I wasn't born and raised in Texas, but it's now official. I've got a photo of my kid in the bluebonnets. Someone make me a badge with a star on it!

Confessions

I ate 2 cupcakes...for breakfast.

I roll my eyes every time David yells while playing with BG "Come quick! You're missing it!" Am I? Or have I already seen it 7 times?

I didn't need to go to the bathroom. I just needed to go in a room where I could lock the door.

By 7:30, I'm SO ready for her to go to bed.
By 10:00, I miss her.

I understand those women who meet every afternoon to drink wine. I don't condone it. But I get it.

I had my pajamas on at 6:30. It helps me feel like the end is near.

I love her spunk. I just wish it had an on/off switch or a volume control.

Some days I daydream about being a man. I mean, their shoes aren't cute, but seriously they've got it good.

Deep in the Heart

It was hard to leave family and friends when we decided to move to the East Coast, but we wanted to embark on an adventure. David and I have never considered ourselves people who need to live super close to family. We can visit as often as we want, and we know they'll love us no matter what our zip code. We knew the transition would be easier for Brynna when she was little, so we thought of all the fun things (changing seasons and Smithsonian museums) that her childhood would be filled with, and off we went. We worked hard to put down roots in DC. The only problem was that no matter the effort, our hearts never felt at home. As difficult life struggles began to hit us, we felt thrown and tossed by the trials. We realized that the anchor we thought we didn't need was thousands of miles away.

Someone may read this and think we weren't strong enough. Someone may wonder if we couldn't cut it or if we quit. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I have learned that it takes strength to ask for help. It takes faith to do what doesn't make sense. I now know more than I did before that if you are not where God wants you, it's never going to fit; there's always going to be something that doesn't feel at home.

So two years after we left Dallas for DC, and in the wake of the hardest season of our marriage, we began to pray about moving.

Our prayers weren't answered right away, and when they were, God didn't call us back to Dallas. He led us further south to Houston. He still hasn't told us everything. He's given us one step at a time. 1) Sell the house. With no plan after that? Really, God? Our house in Virginia sold in 2 days for more than asking price. 2) Go to Houston. With no house to move to? Really, God? Family and friends opened their homes, but even as I write this, we don't have a house in Houston. No contract, no plan, just faith that we are being obedient and God will take care of the rest. And in the midst of the uncertainty of the details, I've never felt more secure.

God has a plan and this was our part of His story. I'm ever-grateful for our time in DC. I'm thankful that my marriage will never be the same because of what we struggled through and overcame - together. I'm thankful for the culture Brynna experienced and will always remember. Most of all, I'm thankful God loves me so much to have let me hurt so I can know Him better. And that He loves me enough to let me come home - deepER in the heart of Texas!

Four

You love ice cream with chocolate sauce, but not chocolate ice cream. (Unless its Dippin' Dots. Then you only eat chocolate. And a lot of it.)
You can run the cul-de-sac behind Pops and Honey K's house in 44 seconds and not be out of breath. (I know because you made me time you.)
You can write your ABC's.
You can count to 20. (Except for #16. You skip it every time.)
You know your address and how to spell your name.
You can name the Washington Monument, the Capitol and the White House because we used to drive by them every day.
You carry around a plastic worm from Papa's boat. His name is Paschal - like Repunzel's chameleon in the movie Tangled.
You love all. things. princess. ALL
You refuse to wear pants. Only dresses. The frillier, the better but that doesn't slow you down.

You have 2 speeds: ON and OFF. (And I have to force the OFF.)
You would rather be outside than in.
You would rather be moving than sitting still.
You love Yaya's scrambled eggs but only if Yaya makes them.
Your favorite color is pink.
Your favorite food is mac & cheese.
Your favorite book is a collection of The Berenstain Bears Aunt Brandy got you.
Your favorite sport is gymnastics. (You asked to quit ballet to do gymnastics every day of the week. You do gymnastics once a week.)
You negotiate everything. EVERY.THING. (bath time, bedtime, what you wear, how we style your hair, number of bites you have to take before you can be done...)
You must have Blankie and Aubie to sleep.
You have several imaginary kids. When I get on to you, you get on to them. Sometimes when I reprimand you for talking back, you explain that you'd never say "No" to me. You were talking to your kids.
You like to watch Jake and The Neverland Pirates, The Backyardigans and Little Bill.
You like building Lego castles.
You have every Barbie movie memorized.
You love to ride on the end of the shopping cart and hang off the end. As we pass people in the aisles, you sing "lookin' good!" and leave a trail of laughing people in our wake.
Your laugh makes people laugh.
Your smile makes people smile.

Being your mom makes me a better person.

Happy 4th Birthday, Brynna Grace

A Place to Call Home

As Brynna and I walked through the mall one day recently, the Phillip Phillips song "Home" began to play. BG was skipping ahead of me and when she heard the music, she stopped and turned to me. The biggest smile spread across her face, and she said, "Mama, I think this is our song." I know she's only three and there's a part of her that merely recognized a familiar song. But it's a song she and her daddy dance to, so it'd be more fitting that she associated it with him. That moment will forever stay with with me, and that song will most certainly be ours. The song says:
     Settle down, it'll all be clear 
     Don't pay no mind to the demons 
     They fill you with fear 
     The trouble it might drag you down 
     If you get lost, you can always be found 
     Just know you’re not alone 
     Cause I’m going to make this place your home 

My arms will always be a place that, no matter how lost she feels, she can be found. 
I pray she always knows she's not alone. My heart will always be a place for her to call home. 

7 Things You Should Know About Imaginary Friends

1. They are mischievous.
Imaginary friends don't always tell the truth, and they are notorious for getting little people in trouble. Of course your sweet child would never come up with the idea on her own to attempt walking up the staircase banister. She was merely trying to get her "kid."

2. They require constant attention and discipline (probably due to #1).
In addition to getting children in trouble, imaginary friends get themselves in trouble. A lot. They require time outs and are regularly reprimanded. This happens especially in stores. Apparently imaginary friends have no home training and as soon as you get to Target, they run every direction and hide in the  clothes racks. This, of course, requires that someone (i.e.: your child) run after them and herd them back to the cart. It's a full time job, this keeping up with imaginary friends.

3. Apparently they are hard of hearing.
Or they don't listen. Either way, they require that your child raise her voice to get their attention. Again, this is nothings she came up with on her own. It's their fault.

4. They may or may not speak English
The nationality of your child does not predict the nationality or language of her imaginary friends. Fortunately, your child has the ability to speak (a made up version) of every known language.

5. You can't pronounce their names; don't try.
This may be because they don't speak English. This may be because their names are a random assortment of whatever letters first popped into your child's head. Either way. Helfy, Harsty, Kelkin, Zasey, Fluffian...just take my word for it. Don't try. You'll only set yourself up to be corrected.

6. They multiply
Like gremlins! One minute you have four of them to keep straight, the next thing you know you're closing someone in the car door because you didn't realize there are now 3 additional "kids" coming along.

7. They aren't invisible.
Not to the child who imagines them. To you, yes, but it's best to keep that information to yourself. Again...take my word.

No One Told Me

I ran across some old notes today that never made it to blogs. This was one of them...

...there are some boo-boos you can't fix. Tumors and babies born unable to breathe are not in the mothering handbook. No amount of kisses can wipe these away. Some ailments require you to go against every maternal instinct and let someone else care for your child.

...some kids don't eat. Brynna stopped eating and began losing weight. Doctors were concerned and so were her dad and I. Brynna had to undergo several procedures I wouldn't wish on most adults to learn that there is no medical problem causing her eating issues, but rather a strong will and stubborn attitude. Suddenly people come from miles around to tell me stories of how their child stopped eating for months or would only eat hotdogs and waffles for a year. Where were you 2 months ago?

...moms can be way more rude than kids.

Not sure what was going on when I made that last note, but I'm so grateful those boo-boos got fixed and Brynna finally decided to eat something. (Barely. And very few items. But we broke the 30 lb. mark so I'm taking it as a win.)


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